Operation: Flanks for nothing
by Skymaster23
Summary: The fifth set of the series. Series completed. Changed one word in Ch.19. R&R, please.
1. Tech support part two

Operation: Flanks for nothing

* * *

Once the three get the spots out of their eyes, the first two remove their seatbelts and get to the back. "What the hell was that?"/"Do you have to ask...maybe not, the time's still 3 in the morning."/"Yeah, great; now who wants to take point?" They are saying as Lady-Jaye opens the ammo storage crate disguised as a cooler.

"He does." Both men replied while pointing to the other. "Why me?!"/"You wanted to tag along, Sci-Fi, so go on!"

After rolling her eyes, Lady-Jaye shoves them aside. "Out of the way, I'll do it...bunch'a bottom of the barrel geeks." She says before peeking out the driver-side window to see that they are surrounded. "I hate roadtrips." She thinks to herself when she recalls what she went through as Xamot's "captive".

* * *

Elsewhere, Beachhead watches one of the staff scroll through a computer checklist with things like "Penaplastic polymers", "Atomic powered hair dryer", "Transit Plate", and..."Ion Correlator; is da Hydro-Masteh here as well, Dr. MacGuffin?" He asked.

"No, that is in another location; now for what you were sent for...oh, there you are." The researcher says, both aware of the Laser Core having been damaged beyond repair recently. They head for a storage room where he climbs a ladder to get one of the smaller boxes down before taking it to one of the labs. The crate is opened and a small red vase-like object with a black handle is removed.

"Did yuh find owt wut it is?"

"All we've done so far is a metallurgical test on some of the device's scrapings. The casing is ordinary steel, just painted over...despite all those centuries under the silt." Dr. MacGuffin explained.

"But what abowt dis gray part wit' da X in it?" Beachhead asked next. "Is it supposed tuh be open laik dat?"

"That; the men who found it thought it was broken in the crash like the other handle they found later, but if you look closer you can see these wires curving into it. As for function, our consensus is that this is the control panel. One other thing of note is that the inner parts have heavy traces of iridium, much more than can be found on Earth. All in all, it'll be a while before we get to it's purpose or even what it's power source is."

"Awlrait, but jes' wut do y'awl thenk da purpose was?"

"Well, given the parabolic dish, it could have been anything from a directed energy weapon to scanning equipment."

"Ah guess yuh can rule owt emergency beacon, seeing as how da ship it was found in is still here, rait?"

"Oh, far from it, Mr. Beachhead; with how vast the known universe is, it could broadcast for a thousand years and never be detected. Shall we start the testing?"

"Let me ask da General, first. Ah'll stop at dat hotel ah saw on my way here and cawl him." Beachhead tells him, not sure what to make of being called Mr., only for the research to raise a hand.

"If you mean the three-story Victorian down the road, that's just Sunnydale Orphanage. Sometimes they come over to watch us work." He replied.

"Yuh got civilians dat close to a potential Cobra tahget?!" Beachhead asked him angrily, but backs down when told that had been in the area since the goldrush.

* * *

While Beachhead is making his way back to the base, the other three Joes are discussing their situation. "It doesn't look like the fang gang, but they could just be disguised like we are." Mainframe says as a searchlight shows a ring of soldiers in black uniforms around them with what looked like a couple of aircraft hangers behind them.

"You in the van; come out, get on the ground, and place your hands behind your backs. This is your only warning." They hear from outside.

"Should we?" Sci-Fi asks after glancing at the other two.

"You heard him, only warning; I'll go first." Mainframe replies, and puts down his pistol before opening the driver-side door. "I'm exiting, don't shoot!" He says before he kneels and is zip-tied while some other soldiers move in.

"Exterior is clear."/"Tango-1 in custody."/"Open the back door slowly and slide whatever weapons you have towards us...Tango's 2 and 3 in custody." Some of them say before the three are led away.

"Hey hey, can't this be looser, i need that hand-for shooting stuff!"/"That better be all you do with it."/"No talking; move!" Sci-Fi, Lady-Jaye, and one of the soldiers say when the former notices something. "Guys, four o'clock."

The other two glance back to find what must have caused the blinding effect on the van's right. It was a third M.A.S.S. device. Once the trio is brought inside one of the buildings, their captors change behavior. "That's that; untie 'em."/"Got it, Capt. Are these really G.I. Joes, cause that was boring as shit just now." They say before the Joes restraints are removed.

"Boring?! Call me that again, pogue, and I'll shove that rifle up your ass!" Mainframe says when the soldiers start stand at attention as two more people walk in. "You're the one behind this, i take it?" He asks the second one.

"We had to make it look convincing. A lot of **birds** in these parts." A man in a black suit replied.

"Capt. Dubosky, just these three?" The other person with a Major's leaf asked while motioning to the Joes.

"Yes sir, we took them easier than expected, sir." The lead soldier replied.

"Uh-huh...good work then; dismissed...They're all yours." The Maj. says. He gives one last glance before he shakes his head, nods to the man in the suit, and leaves.

"Well that was rude." Sci-Fi says under his breath.

"Best get used to it; we're only "P.M.C.'s", after all." Lady-Jaye tells him.

"You mean the old equipment testing routine, right...Sgt. Hart-Burnett?" The man in the suit asked while smirking. "Cpl. Parker; Specialist Fine."

"Anybody you know?" Mainframe asks Lady-Jaye.

"No, but Scarlett would. We sort of met during a job in Estonia just before G.I. Joe was formed." The man answered.

"She said she was the only survivor of that...Just who are you and why do you have one of those?" Lady-Jaye asked, but he just chuckles.

"This way, please...and welcome to Groomlake AFB."

* * *

Back at MacGuffin labs, Beachhead has returned after an "all-clear" from General Hawk. "Yuh may proceed, Dr. MacGuffin." He says.

"Very well. Do you wish to join in, or will you just watch?" The head researcher asks him.

"...We did sorta find da ship it was on, so ah guess ah'll try it owt first." Beachhead replied, then walked past the ballistics barrier and headed over to the device to aim it at a pre-placed cement block. When he presses the controls, he feels a slight jolt as a pale green light envelopes him, which shoots from his eyes and turns the block into a gorilla wearing a black beret with a red badge that had two plungers forming an X over a spork on it. "...Aw, hell!"

"Is uh...Is this meant to resemble one of your teammates?" Dr. MacGuffin asks as the other researchers walk over.

"Erm, no; dun' look laik no-one ah eveh saw...And ah'm gonna need da footage of dis; security reasons." Beachhead asked just before the gorilla vanished.

* * *

At Joe H.Q., Hawk is "reviewing" one of the Gr.I.T. recordings with Duke and Flint when the latter sneezes. "Where'd that come from?" He asks himself.

"I dunno why, but it reminds me of something Snake-Eyes mentioned once about how the Japanese have some belief about that, but i forget the specifics of it." Duke told him before the three go back to watching the video.

* * *

"Dr. MacGuffin, what do you suppose happened?" Another of the researchers asked next.

"I believe i have a way to explain all this, but we'll need to try it again; and with more professionalism this time, please." The lead researcher says before leaning into Beachhead's ear and whispering a suggestion. Once the scientists are back behind cover, Beachhead picks the device up a second time and starts the process over. This time turning a second block into a blonde woman with a pony-tail wearing civilian clothes. "Hmm; considering 3-D projections don't, or atleast shouldn't, cast shadows...Can someone switch the image to thermal; is this a physical person, Dr. Fields?"

"Yes, Dr. MacGuffin, she's there, alright; but how?" The second researcher asks him. "And who is this, exactly?"

"Dat's what ah was 'bout to ask; any of you fella's know wher-." The lady told him before she vanished.

"...Let's just pretend we didn't see any of this. Sergeant, go and make that call first to confirm my theory, please."

"Awrait, one moment." Beachhead uses the nearest secure phone. "Hello, Irene*?...Yes, ah'm sorry, ah know wut taim it is; jes' cawlin' to ask if yuh day went well...ah see; sorry again, dear. Bye." He says before heading back to the testing area. "Well, seems yuh're rait; the device ain't a...Wuteveh generateh, eitheh."

"Wormhole...and since it isn't that or a holographic projector, the only thing it can be for is the rearranging of the atomic structure of any object for bringing whatever the user is thinking of into reality."

"Incredible. But if that's true, Dr. MacGuffin, then we have to send this to G.I. Joe headquarters immediately." A third researcher says, but is turned down.

"I have to disagree, the device would be more vulnerable being transported."/"Ah'll second dat; Ah'll have a temporary post setup nearby fer when Cobra shows it's scaleh hide."

* * *

At the same time, the other three Joes are being led further into the base. "Just how far down are we?" Mainframe asks him after a few dozen minutes.

"Around these parts, only the cafeteria and the restrooms are declassified info, but i can say that...We're here." The man in the suit tells him before sliding a card and opening a door to a construction area with a vaguely T-shaped silvery machine with a circular dish just beneath a set of 16 blue square panels with two rows of eight more colored from red to yellow attached to the front of it.

"That must be the most bodacious thing i ever saw." Mainframe said aloud.

"But what is it, and why show us?" Lady-Jaye asks.

"This, lady and gentlemen, is the future of power." The man in the suit tells them. "Or half of it, at any rate. The actual name...is the Broadcast Energy Transmitter."

* * *

Chapter one. Read and review, please.

*The name's made up, but Beachhead did have a framed picture of a similar looking woman on his desk in "Iceberg Goes South" at around 4:16.


	2. Tech support part three

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

At a Cobra safehouse, the Baroness has just contacted the Terror Drome. "I take it all hasss gone well with your mission, Baroness?" Cobra Commander asks, but she tilts her hand from side to side.

"Only partially, Commander; i vas able to confirm that the device is at MacGuffin labs, but i couldn't get close enough to take it." She reported.

"You damn useless...I cannot allow any opportunity to get back at G.I. Joe for the Vortexxx Cone and that antimatter stuff to pass me by, iss that clear?" He replied, feigning ignorance of what the latter is.

"Then what do you recommend, Cobra Commander?" Destro asked next, after which Major Bludd suggests a hit and run.

"Yesss, but how...I've got it; Scrap Iron, order the Garter Sssnakes to reconfigure some M939's to carry Firebats...and with an exxtra surprise incase the Joes foolishly attempt to intervene." Cobra Commander orders. "This will be our best plan yet; ssso glad i thought of it."

* * *

Around the same time, Mainframe is speaking with the man in the suit. "Future of power, huh; what...what kind?" He asks, still unable to stop staring at the object in front of him. "Photons, gamma rays?"

"Tempting, but no. You know of E.M.P.'s; well the B.E.T. is designed to do that in reverse."

"What-reverse? Is that even possible?" Sci-Fi asked.

"Based on Nikola Tesla's notes, it is in theory, but he could never prove it because money hates talent's guts." One worker says. "For now, though, the second step is the wiring and the programming, then comes the endurance testing, followed by..."

Elsewhere, Lady-Jaye is in an unusual situation. "Well this is a first." She thinks as she is being handed an engineer's uniform.

"I guess you're not so thrilled about this?" One of the base personnel asks her.

"I'm only being coerced to do "covert" surveillance by the people under said surveillance." She replies before she switches on a camera hidden in a pen and looks to a test monitor.

In another part of Area 51, Mainframe is in the van speaking with Breaker. "Joyrider one-niner to Roadhouse, acknowledge."

"Roadhouse here. Go ahead, Joyrider."

"We've made it to **the lake** , **no leaks** in the boat so far."

"Understood, Joyrider. Bring back a ton of 'em."

"Will do. Signing out." Mainframe replies, then turns off the console and leans back and runs hand down his face.

* * *

At Joe .H.Q., Cover Girl is giving an A.W.E. Striker an oil change when she hears someone. "How's it goin' dere, little lady?"

"Just dandy, 'Country." She tells him as she guides herself out and sits up.

"Well, it's 'bout tuh get better cause i jes' gots me my latest paycheck." He says while holding a letter.

"So you can finally get that tapedeck you've been after...way to go." She tells him while giving him a high-five just before Beachhead walked in.

"Tollbooth, front 'n centeh!"

"Be right there...Setting up or tearing down?" Tollbooth asked after climbing down from a W.H.A.L.E where Shipwreck was explaining that his newest girlfriend, after Mara's body was found near a toxic waste dumping site, only has the same first name as the engineer's wife.

"Settin' up; ah need a battle platform five minutes drive from MacGuffin labs 'n one platoon to man it. Any volunteers?"

* * *

A day later, Mainframe's team is working when they are called to the base commander's office. "You wanted to see us, sir?"

"I just got a call from Hawk, your mission here's been called off." The C.O. replied.

"It's what, why?" Mainframe asked.

"He says that an orphanage got burned down during a skirmish near some laboratory after a Firebat was brought down."

"Oh no; are they alright, how many were hurt?!" Lady-Jaye asks as she let out a gasp and leans toward him before apologizing and explaining a similar disaster a few years back.

The C.O. nods and continues. "According to him, none of the children or caretakers experienced anything more than some smoke inhalation and bruising; but 12 people at the lab were executed, and 1 enemy pilot shot himself to avoid capture. Hawk wants the three of you back to assist with repairs."

"Alright, thank you sir."

"Of course, all the film is already in your van...and tell Hawk he owes me again. He'll know what it means."

"Uh, right. Let's go, guys." Mainframe says, and as they are on their way, Sci-Fi speaks up.

"Well that was cool; or would be if we found out if they had a ufo here or not, that scheme Cobra pulled with the disguised airships had to be inspired somehow."

Hearing that makes Mainframe think back a half-dozen hours to when he in a restroom washing his hands alongside a random airman.

Flashback. "Man, i never thought I'd actually be here, must be so cool working on all that out of this world stuff...If what they say crashed in New Mexico is true, i mean...is it?"

"...You really want to know?"

"Huh, does that mean it is?"

"Let's just say if i did tell you, **we** could be the Green-shirt in the foxhole next to you, the local auto-mechanic, a waiter, or a mailman." End flashback.

"Nah, forget that, just buckle up." Mainframe replies, and motions for the M.A.S.S. device to send them on their way. Once they were gone, the airman he "spoke with" enters the C.O.'s office.

"Colonel Keller, R&D just finished designing the **skin** for **the jet**."

* * *

Chapter two. Read and review, please.


	3. Once Upon a Joe Part one

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to Mars, Incorporated.

* * *

As Sci-Fi and Lady-Jaye split from him, Mainframe heads to General Hawk's office. "Sir, I'm here to-." He says before noticing Duke. "Am i interrupting something?"

"Us?, I'm leading a team to follow those Firebats and recover the device." Duke explains, and offers him a chance to go with, but he declines.

"Sorry, but I have to give the report of our findings over in Nevada."

"I'm sure you do, Mainframe; however, the mess over at MacGuffin Labs is top priority right now. Hit the showers, son, that's an order." Hawk tells him.

"Yes sir. And one more thing..." Mainframe says, and leans into his ear. "The base C.O. mentioned something about you owing him?"

"What? He would say that; but first thing's first, dismissed."

* * *

At the same time, Dr. Mindbender enters Cobra Commander's war room. "I heard that the Strato-Vipers haf returned; vhich one of them has the MacGuffin Device?"

"Yess, do tell him all about what happened back there."

"Well, about that, Dr.; It, uh, it's container kinda got hit during our escape." One of the Strato-Vipers explains while they all try to hide behind each other.

"Vhat, you mean you let it get destroyed?!" He yelled.

"I w-wouldn't say that, we were low enough when it happened that it might still be intact." Another Strato-Viper told him.

"Then we'll just have to ssend someone to question the scientists who were working on it." Cobra Commander added, enjoying the scene way too much. "Oh wait, that'ss right; didn't ssomething unfortunate happen to them?"

"Something like vhat, vhat else did you do?"

"Um...it was '24's fault, he saw one of them trip an alarm so he started sho-" The second Strato-Viper said before being shot in the face.

"Fools! Get your planes ready now, ve are going back. If ve can't have that particular object, ve'll just capture another one." Dr. Mindbender says, and continues after hearing them complain. "No?, perhaps you could me aid in my experiments, instead?"

"Prepare for take off!" They all reply and are about to rush out before Cobra Commander speaks up.

"If i might interrupt, it would be eassier to be more subtle first."

* * *

Over at the armory, Lady-Jaye walks in. Bazooka gives a slight nod, being upset that he had to leave Taeko at Short-Fuze's house. "How'd it go; didya see a martian while disembarkin'?" Roadblock asks while Low-Light gave a small wave without really looking.

"'fraid all three of us had to sign one of those NDA's, so the only thing "out there" i saw was Sci-Fi." She replied. "What was that we heard about an orphanage?"

"Cobra showed up before we could set up our F.O.B." Low-Light explained. "Should have been there when that redhead tried to run over one of the robots; the thing picked her mini-tank up and threw it like it was a toy. Don't tell her i said so, but it was kind of impressive when you think about it. Atleast until the Firebat Shipwreck shot at fell on an orphanage."

"That's why we cut our mission short, is it. Poor kids." Lady-Jaye replied and shook her head before getting to her locker and picking up one of her javelins. "Hello behby, did you miss momma? She missed you, yes she did." She says outloud to get her mind off the situation before setting it back and leaving.

"Oh sure...I'm the creepy one." Low-Light said before hearing Duke calling for him, Stalker, Ace, Slip-Stream, and Torpedo to head to the hanger while everyone else headed to the briefing room, where Beachhead explains what happened at the battlezone, mentioning everything except the device.

Flashback.

"Would one of you mind telling us just what you people damn near killed us for?!" One of the caretakers demanded.

"Dat'd be me, ma'am. Ah'm Beachhead; ah wuz da one in chahge of dis." He tells them. "Bein a parent mah'self, ah promise we'll fix da place jes' laik it wuz buhfore."

"Unless you'd prefer something more modern!" Tollbooth shouted from four yards away after he and a Greenshirt go through the wreckage.

"Whatever you want, you better believe you'll get it back; won't we, guys?" Shipwreck said next.

"Yo Joe!"

After the caretakers discuss the offer, they look down the road. "But what about all the lab workers, are they alright?" The oldest of the caretakers asks. "Should we assist out there, i used to be in a M.A.S.H. unit back in the fifties."

Beachhead pauses before motioning them to get out of earshot of the kids, then calling some teammates at the site. "Joe leadeh 4 here, how's it lookin' at da lab? Oveh."

"Heavy Metal here, so far we've found 7 dead; 2 security guards, 1 janitor, and 4 scientists in what was must have been where the Device was being kept, which looks like D-Day happened to it. Wet-Suit said he found about 40 rounds and what might have been an RPG." They hear. "Just a minute, please...That was Green-shirt Lewinski, seems a couple police cars just showed up; orders?"

"Tell 'em no civilians allowed till General Hawk gets here. Oveh'n owt." Beachhead replies before placing his walkie-talkie back.

"So it's that bad, is it? Bobby's gonna be so disappointed. He's always going on about working there someday." One of the caretakers says.

"Ah get wut y'awl must be feelin', but da answeh's no; wut happened here is classified. Can ah count on y'awl to keep dis undeh wraps?" Beachhead asks them.

"Yes sir." They say back.

"...Awlrait den, we'll need to return to base for da necessareh materials; but we'll be back as soon as we can."

End flashback.

Once everyone is made aware of the "mission", they start to draw straws to determine who would go when Hawk and his "wingmen" walk up. "Before you do that; Snake-Eyes, i think it'd be better if you stayed behind." Hawk says, causing the subordinate to point at himself. "yes, i mean you; and the same goes for Airtight, Barbecue, Deep-Six, and Blowtorch."

"But dis here fella's harmless, if ya ain't got scales, dat is." Wild Bill said, while Snake-Eyes pointed to him and nodded.

"Sorry, buddy; but the General's right. You might be mistaken for those tincan's Cobra left behind." Duke added. In response, the ninja Joe got out his notepad and hands over a folded slip.

"Hmm...Don't open until i leave the room." Hawk said as he read it. Once the writer did leave, he opens it so he, Duke, Flint, and Beachhead see a doodle of what seems to be Snake-Eyes sticking his tongue out.

* * *

Back at the orphanage, the Joes start looking around to get a sense of just how bad it really is, some more than others. "Sheesh, it's the Fairmont place all over again." Alpine says under his breath.

"Bu~mmer." Bazooka added, not needing to have heard it.

A feeling shared by another of the Joes as they notice the younger residents. "They're the same age." One of them says outloud as Beachhead and Tollbooth, who had been left with Lit-Ticket and the Green-shirts to bring the damaged vehicles and debris to the nearest military base, finished giving the instructions.

"Easy there, Lady-Jaye...that was a year ago." Dr. Rich reminded her as he heads to the crowd.

A few yards away. "Are you the General he mentioned before?" One of the caretakers asks the man next to Beachhead.

"No, General Hawk is at the lab right now speaking with some survivors and state officials. I'm Flint, the 3rd in command. Beachhead's the 4th."

"Uh-huh, what about the 2nd?" Another caretaker asked.

"Yeah and why do you have a girl's hat on?"/"Hush!" One of the orphans and the first caretaker both say next while Beachhead turned away.

"All I'm allowed to say is that the 2nd's name is Duke." Flint explained.

"So you're gonna be giving all the orders like in the movies instead of him?" The orphan asks.

"I am, why?" Flint asked as he bent over.

"Becuze, he's kinda loud and stinky like all da kemakels da old people with da white clothes tell us 'bout sometimes." The orphan said while pointing to Beachhead, who only turns away again for a different reason.

"Arnold, you take that back right this second!" The first caretaker says while Flint and Tollbooth also turn away for a different reason.

After 'Arnold' apologizes and walks away, Tollbooth unfurls a sheet of paper for the two leaders. "This is what the ladies here picked, sirs. It's a three level plus attic with the same paintjob, and it won't hold up to a jet falling on it, but it'll be less moldy than what they had before."

"Sounds good, but isn't it blank side up?"/"An' wut did duh kids thenk of it?" Flint and Beachhead both asked him.

"Wha-Whoops...sorry, been working all night, ya know." Tollbooth said as he flipped it over. "Haven't told them yet, It's gonna be a surprise."

"In that case, we'll take from here. Thanks."

"Right, yo...joe." Tollbooth replied while yawning, and walked off.

Elsewhere, the kids finished speaking with Dr. Rich are watching the Joes place the lumber in a couple of piles. "Excuse me, how come you're stacking them like that, mister?" One of them asks.

"You mean like this? That's so we can, like, tell which is for a wall and which is for the ceiling, little dude." Footloose explained before giving his name.

"Oh, i knew that." The boy replied before a little girl raised her hand.

"Why do you have a bunch of lettuce on your hat?" She asks, followed by some other kids.

"What kinda job do you do?"/"What'cha favorite food?/"Have you ever exploded anybody?"

"Heh, well i-say what?" Footloose asked as he stopped grinning. "...I'm uh, I'm real busy here and stuff so...so maybe i have; but it's not cool at all, so don't ever be in a hurry to do any of that. It's a million times scarier than what happened here."

While that was going on, Roadblock and some others are at the mess tent. "Come and get it, kids; after all you been through, what you need next is a lot of stew." He says as Dial-Tone, Gung-Ho, and Cover-Girl open the containers.

"That smells great; and there's candy too!" One girl with a teal shirt and white shorts said before pointing to Gung-Ho. "But why don't you have a shirt on?"

"Who, me; um, It's...It's a grown up thang, but jes' foh boys. Yoo'll find out someday." He replies while pointing to himself.

"Awesome, but...are these words or did all the ink get wet?" One boy asks as he holds up one package.

"You mean that, it's a form of writing from..." Cover-Girl says as she noticed a hand from under the table and smacks it with a ladle.

"Ow!"/"Bazooka, no; they eat first, remember."/"But I'm hungry." The two say as the kids start giggling.

"You heard her, man; either wait your turn, or she makes you go bam." Roadblock added.

"Anyway, this is from a country called Japan; have any of you heard of it?" Cover-Girl continued.

"I have, there's this one electrician who was in world war two, and he says that the people there are all man-eating yellow bas-" One boy with a dull-yellow shirt and dark-brown pants says when Gung-Ho places a hand over his mouth while making sure Bazooka was gone.

"Ah! Slow down dere, gens. Dat stuff ain't true no more-or ever."

Outside, the oldest boys behind a tree are watching Scarlett and Lift-Ticket finish setting up a circular saw. "Hey, those are two of the G.I. Joes that were here before, Stevey." One says.

"Yeah, you think she's his girlfriend?" 'Stevey' asked.

"I dunno, but i dare you to go over there and-" The first boy asked quietly only to be interrupted.

"Go over there and do what?" Alpine asks, causing the kids to look up.

"W-we weren't doing nothin', just watching you army guys." A third boy says. "What were you doing here?"

"Keeping an eye out for more bad guys incase they come back." He says as he climbs down.

"More of them...would they?" A fourth boy asks.

"Nah, just pulling your leg, whatever Cobra was after is long gone." Alpine says before crouching down and getting something out of a pocket. "Other than that, instead of going out there and getting turned into a pretzel, why don't you hold on to some of these? Just make sure your nannies don't find them." He says, and hands over an envelope.

"What's in it, Bob?" 'Stevey' asked, causing the other boy to open it and pull out some photos of Lady-Jaye, and some other women. "Whoa...Ok, we won't tell anyone, sir." He says as he and the other three give salutes.

"No prob. But no need for that, bucko, I'm just a corporal." He says as he stands and climbs back up.

A few hours later, the Joes are still putting part of the outer frame of the building together. "Will you hold that thing steady, Bazooka, this isn't prom night!" Lady-Jaye says outloud.

"Haha...having trouble down there?" Flint asks from the "attic".

"Nothing i can't handle, how about you?"

"This is just like after my brother backed up into the barn one-gah-medic!" He replies when he misses one blow.

As she calls for Lifeline, Cover-Girl is speaking with Scarlett when they hear something...or someone. "We'll see about that, seaweed for brains." She says as he jumps down, then notices a little girl watching **him** pass by. "You there, what's your name?"

"Me?, I'm Jenny, why?"

"Well, Jenny, you see that troublemaker with the tiny hat who just got chewed out?"

"Yep, did he do something bad to you, too?"

"...You could say that. Since we're all so busy, can you go supervise for me, please. I'll give you a packet of M&Ms if you do, just don't tell anyone." Cover-Girl says.

"Yay...What's supervice?"

"It means to watch him work."

"Oh, I'll be right back." 'Jenny' replies, and skips off to follow Shipwreck while a light-blue and black object descends unnoticed in the background.

* * *

Chapter three. Read and review.


	4. Once Upon a Joe part two

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

Far above the site, Dr. Mindbender is on the bridge of a helicarrier when the radioman announces that Zartan is reporting in. "Inform Cobra Commander that I've landed, and that G.I. Joe seems to be up to something near the lab we hit." He says while watching Roadblock, and two of the Joe's that were described after the Thailand gum mission raising a wall panel.

"I assume you mean the construction site? Ve see it too, but it must simply be to throw us off vhile they search the forest." Dr. Mindbender tells him before giving the order to relay Zartan's message.

"Cobra Commander here, one of the Sstrato-Vipers has informed me that the ssquadron leader crashed into some building during the operation; G.I. Joe is probably on some pathetic charity work because of it."

"That would explain the children and old women; should i wait for nightfall?" Zartan asked while watching some kids heading towards Shipwreck, who seemed to be moving his hands while a little girl was in his lap. The merc is getting an uneasy feeling about who they are, but he puts it aside.

"Negative. As the good doctor said, it has no relevance to your tassk, which is why i didn't mention it before. Avoid contact unless necessary, and find the MacGuffin Device before they do; that is all."

* * *

In the Indian Ocean, Duke and his team are on the Enterprise, the assigned carrier after the loss of the Flagg. They are led to the briefing room by the 2IC, where the C.O. is waiting. "Capt. Rittenour, I'm-"

"Sgt. 'Duke' Hauser, right?, I'm aware; what's the destination?" The C.O. asks him while motioning to the map projected on the screen.

"That would be here...According to information shared by our Japanese counterparts, it's called Cobra Island." Duke starts to explain.

"It's not much of a name, but they're not much of a threat." Ace says, causing the others to nod and snicker.

"Alright, can it. Hours after the attack at MacGuffin labs, we received information that some Firebats were found in Cuban waters and that a Cobra sub was spotted surfacing by the Dominican Republic." Duke continued.

"And you believe that sub picked up the pilots and whatever they stole?" Capt. Rittenour asked him.

Duke nods and points to a spot on the map. "Yes Captain, because the previous information also included a large structure in the middle of a swampy area of the island. We have every reason to believe it to be their headquarters, aka, Temple Alpha."

"I see; what's the plan?" Capt. Rittenour asked next.

"Our orders are for Stalker and Low-Light to land on the far shore. The former will infiltrate the base to recover it while Ace and Slip-Stream make a diversion along with some of your pilots. Once the ground team gives the signal, Torpedo will go in and plant explosives on as many Morays as he can. Do you have any thoughts, sir?" Duke told him.

"If what you say is true, Sergeant, how is it that the Indian navy or airforce haven't reported it?"

"I can only guess that they've paid off, or killed off, anyone who might otherwise have blown the whistle on them." Duke replied after shrugging.

"Alright then, I'll brief the crew."

Some time later, the two Joes have reached the coast and hide their mini-boats before making their way towards the Cobra base. "Place is worse then i thought...They should have got Gung-Ho do do this." Stalker says as he waves a bug away from him. "What do you think, Low-Light?"

"It beats all those dead rats in my old man's scrapyard." He replied.

"Rats?"

"I had to find and kill a couple dozen with no lights on cause he thought i was too goddamn spineless for a boy." He explained, causing Stalker to stop and look back at him.

"...That's the most whitest thing i ever heard since Spirit first arrived; some recruit made one too many smart-ass remarks about whether he was gonna take all our scalps."

"Yeah, what happened?"

"He broke 'em jaw. Duke tossed the other guy out, and made him scrub the barracks for a whole day."

"That reminds me of what Mainframe did to one guy when Lifeline was always finding rifles in his bunk at bootcamp."

* * *

Back at Sunnydale.

"Ahh! A-am i going to make it, man? If not...then, like, put me outta this agony already!" Footloose says outloud.

"How did you make it this long if this is how you react to a measly splinter?" Lifeline asked as he dropped said item in a waste basket.

"Dat's wut i'd laik tuh know, 'n yuh kin thenk uhbowt da answer while givin' meh twenty." Beachhead added.

"Twenty pushups? Come on, that's bogus!"

"Twenty foh bein' such a Shipwreck, 'n ten more fer tawlkin' back jes' naw, maggit!" He replied, and turns around. "Speakin' of which...Someone find dat good fer nuttin' swabbeh 'n tell him, Scarlett, Cross-Country, 'n Lift-Ticket tuh sweep fer unexploded ordinance."

"Leave it to me, Beachhead." Leatherneck says. As the marine walks off to get one of the metal detectors, he stops and glances at a nearby bush for a few seconds after hearing a faint noise. "...Nah, just a dumb rabbit." As he is asking Rock 'n Roll where Shipwreck is, Cover-Girl calls him over and informs him. "Thanks...Gee, too bad she's with that scrawny hillbilly; that fox doesn't know what she's..." He is saying until he hears Shipwreck saying something about shapes and a can of spinach.

"What?! Why you high seas piece o-" He starts to say before realizing that there are more children around than he was told. "Eh, ferget it...we work our hides off and here you sit, making with the gab-fest."

"Well i was just telling these poor kids a story when-ooh!"

"Do something useful, look for dud rockets in the forest, we don't want these kids having accidents."

At the same time, Cross-Country is doing the same search while whistling out "Leaving Eden" when he backs into something. "Huh; a camo net?" He tells himself, and lifts it up to see a green sponson. "Huh, ya isn't one of ours; ah better let Beachhead know 'bout it."

* * *

Elsewhere, Stalker and Low-Light have just crossed the eighth river and killed their fifth crocodile. "Take the long way, you two; it'll be safer that way...when i get back, I'm going to make him wish he was never born." Stalker said under his breath.

"Shh, i heard someone over there." Low-Light tells him, and gets a nod.

Stalker makes his way over to see two Blue-shirts in a small clearing. "Huh, they weren't phased out after all." He thinks to himself before he goes back...after 18 seconds. "No good. Let's, uh, let's pick another target."

"What kept you, and why?"

"Wrong skin color."

Sometime later, they find a fourth Blue-shirt on a path that looked used. Stalker motions for Low-Light to stay while he moves in and follows the mark to a tree which he goes around to jump him and shoves his head against the trunk, then makes double sure the mark is out of action. He switches uniforms and walks into view to write "yo joe" with some sticks before putting them back where he picked them up. He heads up the path to see the destination, only to go wide-eyed at how much bigger it is then the one they were told about after the rescue of Dr. Renault.

Off shore, Duke and Capt. Rittenour are on the bridge when a crewman heads over. "Captain, we have an alert from Washington: Cobra making second airstrike, motive unknown."

* * *

Sometime earlier at MacGuffin labs.

General Hawk, Flint, and the state governor are discussing about a press conference when Breaker shows up. "Sirs, Beachhead on the line; says it's real urgent."

"I'll handle it, General." Flint offered, and goes to a random room with Breaker. "Flint here, you want to tell us something...Say again?"

"Dat's rait; we found dis Swampfire. We may need sum' more Joes tuh patrol da woods." Beachhead explains. "Hang on a second...Sorry, one'a dem kids was yankin' on mah vest jes' now."

"You mean willingly?" Flint thinks to himself before replying. "Understood, I'll run it by Hawk; standby until then." After hanging up, he goes back to the staff room.

"So, what's the situation?" Hawk asked him.

After waiting around several seconds, Dial-Tone's pack rings again. "Flint filled me in; was it part of last night's fighting?" Hawk asks.

"Doubt it, sir. Da thang is intact 'n was undeh camouflage, so it must have gat here afteh awl dat. Also, wit' only one of 'em, mah money's on Zartan bein' da pilot. Ordehs?" Beachhead explained further.

After cursing under his breath, Hawk responds. "Have Lifeline take blood samples from your team...and the caretakers, just in case."

"But how do we do dat wit' owt lettin' 'em know?"

"Well...Since i doubt even Zartan can imitate someone half his size, tell them there was a delayed rupture of a biological agent's canister that only affects adults a while ago, then have the samples sent here so Doc can take a look at them. I'll call Mainframe to send backup and a flatbed in the meantime. Aside from that, are the civilians taking our presence well enough?" Hawk asked him.

"Seems so tuh me, Shipwreck's watchin' da youngstehs again."

"Keep up the good work then; Hawk out."

Back at the site, some of the last roof components are being put in place. "Okay Morris, traverse right six degrees!" Lift-Ticket says as he and Alpine are standing waiting for the Green-shirt to comply. "Now bring her forward about a half foot." As the crane arm is extending, the pair notice a fourth person motioning for them to come down and that everyone was heading in one direction; almost everyone. "What's going on, Scarlett?"

"Beachhead want's all of us at the med-tent for some reason." She tells them. Once they arrive, that reason is revealed.

"There's Dreadnoks nearby?!" Rock 'n Roll asks aloud.

"Only Zartan, but yes; hawk's ordehs are fer Lifeline tuh take blood samples so he and Doc kin determine who is who undeh da guise of a containment breach from dat lab." Beachhead explained while Lifeline himself was mumbling to himself over having to lie to people.

"That should work. But, like, why would Cobra come back here if they already have what they came for?" Footloose asked next.

"It's probably that they're wondering what we're doing this far from the lab." Scarlett said.

Once they were done with that, the caretakers are being informed of the "pathogen". "They were making somethin' like that this close to the children?" One asks them.

"They, uh, they were only testing it for alternate usage, Ma'am; and just so you know, it's designed to not effect anyone younger than...around 18, wasn't it...he says yes." Dial-Tone explained, talking to his switched-off handset.

"If that's supposed to reassure us, it ain't workin', Mr. Dial-Phone, or whatever your name is." She says as she leans forward, reminding him of being scolded by his grandmother.

* * *

Dr. Mindbender is pacing on the bridge of the helicarrier when a Tele-Viper turns around. "Dr., I've just received signal B."

"Understood. Strato-Vipers, ve vill first attack the decoy site and the surrounding forest, then the laboratory; if ve cannot hafe the technology there, no one can. Cobra!" He ordered.

* * *

"It's Tone; and it's not like we're up to anything underhanded, see, we're all doing it first." He says as he points to Bazooka, who is taking his turn.

"I don't wanna get a needle!" He says as Leatherneck and Roadblock "accompany him".

"Um...Yeah; so who's going first?" Dial-Tone asks before one child plows into him. "Whoa there, what's going on?"

"TwoShipwrecks...andoneof'emhasBoband-"/"Incoming!" One girl in a pink shirt says, followed by a random Green-shirt pointing at the sky.

"Aw crap-get down!" Dial-Tone shouts and shoves them all down as a bunch of explosions rock the area. As they get up to run, they are joined by a boy in a light-brown shirt

"Bobby, are you alright...What are those?!"/"Cobra fighter-bombers."/"But the guy with the big backpack said they wouldn't come back!"/"You can never tell with them-flip the switch on the top left, would'ya please?" One caretaker, Dial-Tone, and Bobby say. "Hawk, we got more of those stealth F.B.'s!"

"The checkpoint crew just told us about seeing smoke; Flint's in contact with the nearest airbase now, hang on till then."

"Lifeline, get the kids and make for the tree-line; everyone else get to the rifles!" Beachhead shouts, only for Lady-Jaye to tell him that the ammo truck was blown away. "Dammit nevehmind, jes' git tuh da fore-Dube, look owt!" He yells, only to watch as the Green-shirt and an injured boy in a grey shirt with green-sleeves that he's carrying are killed in a strafing run. As he's holding back one of the screaming caretakers, they then see a pale green light shoot out from the trench for the water pipes and engulf the enemy planes.

"I don't know what that is, but it's shredding the jets to little bits." Roadblock says as they see one enemy pilot releasing his chute.

"You two, git oveh dere; ah want dat bastard taken alive." Beachhead ordered Lady-Jaye and Rock 'n Roll. "Roadblock, Dial-Tone, follow me to dat trench."

"Yes sir; Dial-Tone to Hawk, i think you can cancel that air support...It's a long story, General."

After revealing the truth to the caretakers, Hawk and Flint arrive at what was left of the site. "Beachhead, how many?" He asks.

The 4IC sighs before informing him that five green-shirts and one boy were killed. "We'd probably awl have been if Shipwreck hadn't used da MacGuffin Device."

"I see. Duke has been notified of the situation; as for here..." Hawk replies as he looks around at the damage.

"Not that it's aneh sort of a plus side, but we do have one prisoner 'n da Swampfire." Beachhead tells him, then leads him to the residents, who are all gathered around the smallest body.

While Hawk is speaking with them, Flint excuses himself and walks around until he sees Rock 'n Roll on a fallen log with one of Leatherneck's cigars, who sees him and points over to his right. He nods and keeps going until he finds her being talked to by Gung-Ho, who waves at him. She looks up, goes over to him and hold each other for a while.

* * *

Long after Hawk agrees to let professionals do the re-reconstruction of the orphanage, Cobra Commander is infront of a monitor. "Becaussse you failed to retrieve the MacGuffin device, you won't get ssso much as a penny; isss that clear, Zartan?" He asked the mercenary.

"I guess so, Commander." He hears, and steps back as the voice changes mid reply. "Why don't you ask him...ya fuckin' dumb-ass." He then hears from behind, and turns after seeing the Zartan on the monitor be replaced by Zarana.

"What is the meaning of thiss?"

"That is a new voice altering program i came up with." Zartan says before grabbing him by the neck. "And this is why you should never send me back to one of those places!" He said next before punching him in the gut.

* * *

Chapter four. Read and review.


	5. Once Upon a Joe part three

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

On Cobra Island, Stalker has joined a line of assorted enemy troopers and slowly makes his way to the entrance until it's his turn. "Show your id, snakeling." A Tele-Viper instructs, causing him to take out a card. After a few seconds, the doorman nods and returns it. Stalker then makes his way in and searches for an empty room to let Low-Light know it worked.

He then sits down and makes it look like he's resting. "Tell Duke I'm in." He says into a microphone in his sleeve, only to hear from him directly. "...Right, should i start searching from top or bottom?"

"Neither. General Hawk called earlier; turns out the fang gang never had the MacGuffin Device." Duke informed him.

"You mean it's not here? We went half way around the wo-wait...damn. I'll call back; some snooty sounding Viper just ordered me to attend rifle cleaning 101." Stalker said.

Back on the Enterprise, Duke sighs and makes a different call. "Duke, how'd he take it?"

"Not well, General, but he got interrupted before i could mention the rest."

"Right, give him two hours. If you don't hear from him or Low-Light by then, you are authorized to level the enemy base regardless of India's say-so, understood?"

"Yes sir."

* * *

While Duke waits for his subordinates, Flint and Beachhead's team has just returned to the base. "Welcome back, youze guys!" Cutter says first as he and the other Joes are waiting at the parking lot.

"So how'd it...it was that bad, huh?" Quick-Kick asked after the two leaders and Shipwreck passed by without a word. After getting an explanation from Dial-Tone, Airborne walks over to Scarlett and whispers something, causing her to head to the C.Q.C. training room to find Snakes-Eyes swinging away at a post. Four broken bokuto were in various spots on the floor.

"It was all fine when he just was moping about in a corner of the barracks..." Airborne started to explain as Scarlett forces her eyes shut. "But he's been in here ever since we heard one of those orphans died under our watch."

With a brief memory of Lady-Jaye kneeling at Flint's side after the "sea-monster" incident, Scarlett picks up one of the sandbag staffs, and rushes in to stop him. After a few seconds to recognize it as interference, Snake-Eyes is pelted by one of the ends twice before Scarlett tosses it aside to leap over him, grab, and force an arm behind his back. "Don't ya dare think y'all could 'ave made a difference if ya'd been dere, Snake-Eyes!" She shouts at him, and continues as he glances at her. "None of us want~to accept that a little boy had to pay~the price for our mistake."

Outside, Wild Bill is being shown the larger of the two recovered bits of machinery. "So dis is one o' dem swampfires, is it, sir?" He asks Hawk as he looks it over. Even at first glance, it was clear that this was a short-range scout craft. "It ain't much to look at, compared to a F.A.N.G." He thought to himself.

"Yes it is, it's similar to the one that was described in Beachhead's report after shutting down Cobra's treesap scheme." Hawk replied. "I want you to get an opinion on how it handles before we have it dismantled."

"Hmm, good thang dis here's enemy property or ah'd file a complaint about doin' dat." Wild Bill tells him while grinning.

"I wouldn't fault you for it." Hawk told him before ordering him to do one standard circle around the base.

"Sure thang, General; yo joe!"

* * *

Back on the Enterprise, Duke returns to the radio room when told they've reestablished contact with Stalker. "How's it going over there?" Duke asks him.

"Lousy; Cobra issue bug spray doesn't do shit, and i had to pick off Grunt, Alpine, one of those Japanese Joes that i don't recognize, and Breaker-shaped boards at the shooting range, all to bring back something that never arrived here in the first place." Stalker explained.

"Watch your tone."

"Sorry, sir...Orders?"

"See if you can get a copy of the base's interior, you'll know when."

"Got it." Stalker says, and waits a half hour before hearing on his walkie talkie about an explosion in the submarine pen. He then heads inside to find a room with a computer terminal. Once he finds one, he shoots the security camera before searching for the base's layout and slipping in a floppydisk.

As the download reaches 27% however, he hears an announcement on the intercom. "Attention, we have an unauthorized activity in sector 19-C; any nearby personnel, proceed to room 5 and stop whoever is in there immediately."

"Crap...Duke, I've started the download, but pretty sure they're on to me. Get some of those birds over here." He says as he takes position by the door.

"Acknowledged; how much time you got?"

"It's at 33%." Stalker says, only to hear footsteps approaching. "Make that half a second." He added as the firefight began.

* * *

As the first fighters start taking off, Bazooka is at Short-Fuze's house telling them about what happened at Sunnydale. "So how much did they get out of the pilot?" Short-Fuze asked him.

"Um, said he was 'Strato-Viper 203', and that the big jet is called a Night Raven." Bazooka explained before adding that Hawk had as much of the parts as they could find over to Washington.

"And did you really see them get chased off by...cartoon characters?" Rakel asked while Taeko let out a snort.

"Nope, fairy tale." Bazooka replied, and would have explained further until Short-Fuze reminded them of what time it was. "Already? Aw, nertz; let's go, Taeko."

* * *

Twenty-four hours later, Duke and the others return to Joe headquarters. "Welcome back, people; did you get the data on the enemy base?" Hawk asks as they exit the C-130 with Stalker in a stretcher.

"Just barely; I got the stuff, but i also took two or three rounds." He told Hawk, only to start smirking. "But I'm feeling better than that Tomahawk i was on." He said, causing Lift-Ticket to groan and turn to Dial-Tone.

"Call supply for me, tell'em I'm heading over first thing in the morning."

Back with the rest, they start heading inside. "Did we miss anything else while we were out?" Duke asks him.

"We found that a Swampfire can take more than it can give, according to Wild Bill; that and there's a few more photos on the commissary wall." Flint told him.

Inside said room, they find photo's of: one boy on an LCV. A few kids watching Roadblock pouring water into the cement mixer. Two boys dangling from Gung-Ho's arms. One girl on Cover-Girl's shoulders. Another boy with Rock 'n Roll's helmet on while both play air-guitar. One with another girl pretending to brush Scarlett's hair, and a final one with all of them in a crowd.

"The fourth boy on the right of the last picture is the one we lost." Hawk informed him.

"I see...anything else?" Duke asks.

"Just that Roadblock suggested using some leftover lumber for some reason."

* * *

Chapter five. Read and review.


	6. ASA part one

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to the works of Maurice Leblanc.

Read and review, please.

* * *

While the Joe's downtime was being ruined yet again, a large man with a black sleeveless shirt is hard at work. "You are the worst example of spineless, thumbsucking reject i have had the misfortune of seeing! Now hit the road, you dried up slimeball!" He yells, staring down a rusted mousetrap. He is about to throw it out the door when his console goes off. "Hello?"

"Sgt., I'll make this brief; robo-snakes are everywhere and they're bulletproof, and did i mention they're everywhere...anyway, you have permission to-!" Dial-Tone shouted before getting cut off.

"So it's come to this, has it, let's move out." He tells himself, and rushes out; only to come back for the mousetrap, which he takes to the outpost's garage and ties it to a string taped to a mortar round which he fires off, then he climbs up on his vehicle and races to Joe headquarters.

* * *

While the Joes begin removing the wreckage and convincing Tollbooth not to resign (again) and change his place of birth to Luxomburg after Sgt. Slaughter's arrival, three individuals have finished observing the skirmish. "Once more he delivers only inexcusable failure...i was hopeful he could have a chance with his three in one attempt, but even that, he could not help but bring to ruin." The higher of the trio laments before ending the image with a wave of his hand. "No more! The last of the groves have just finished sprouting; we must act now or our world will truly be lost to us!"

* * *

Back in the U.S. a day later, some of the Joes are in the barracks. "What a mess." Thunder says as he picks up what used to be a coffee table.

"I'll say; those bastards wrecked two weeks of hard work." Spirit said next from his doorway.

"What work, it was just a bunch of plastic, wasn't it?" Slipstream asked, not noticing the rest of them backing away as the tracker turned around and shoved a yellow rectangle with tiny slits on it in his face. "A toy tractor, since when are they yellow?"

"This was a limited edition model of the Mercedes-Benz SSK used by the uncatchable Lupin gang!"

"Who?...Get him off me!"

At the same time, it's now the three female Joe's turn to face The Sarge. "What do you suppose we're in for?" Cover Girl asks her roommates.

"Considering what this guy did to fifty of those tin cans when Flint couldn't even dent the one we faced, we'll be lucky if we can get to Doc's without a stretcher." Lady Jaye replied.

"Speaking of which, how long should he need that icepack?" Scarlett asked just as Sgt. Slaughter showed up with a barrel and a clipboard.

"At ease, Missy's!" He says outloud, making them stand at attention. "Names?"

"Scarlett."/"Lady-Jaye."/"Cover-Girl."

"Check...specialties?"

"I'm trained in counter intelligence, and close quarters combat."/"I'm here for covert ops."/"Mine's medium to long range armor support; in other words, I'm the wind shield that the butterfly and bee here get splattered by...what?"

"Normally, I'd let that slide...but according to what I've been told, G.I. Joe doesn't do normal, so drop and give me 30 push-ups, jockey!" He orders before looking the other two over. "As for you two, if you think you can keep up with the men, prove it." He says as he takes a quarterstaff out of the barrel and kicks it over, revealing more training tools.

The two look to each other before grinning. Scarlett picks up a shinai while Lady-Jaye goes for a pair of truncheons. "Right then; ready?" He asks as he takes a stance.

"Whenever you are, sarge. Yo..."/"...Joe!" The two women say as Cover-Girl looks on. Scarlett leaps to the side as he takes a swing at her. "Watch it, Jaye; he's faster than he looks!"

"Got it!" She replied.

The two are flattened in five seconds, and he looks back to the third. "Your turn."

* * *

Some time later, the Joes are loading up the supplies for deployment. Beachhead watches as Mainframe, Mutt, Junkyard Jr., Alpine, and Bazooka do so as well. "I gotta say, Alpine, I'm a a bit surprised you didn't make a fuss about where we're going." The third of them says as they finish loading the four A.W.E. Strikers.

"You mean cause of that last time...Heh, I'm all over that." He replies while glancing away until he notices the dog sniffing at some ammo cans before gagging and shaking his head.

"What's with him all of a sudden?" Mainframe asked as he sets down the tripod for the "anti-Swampfire gun" that Dr. Winters designed.

"Prably jes'-" Beachhead starts to say while picking one can up, only to stop. "...Roadblock, hand oveh one'a dose fer a sec, would'ja, please?" He asks, and mumbles under his breath after a few seconds before opening the first one to find a bunch of tent stakes and two missing Joes. "#%$*&%$$$!"

* * *

Chapter six.


	7. ASA part two

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 offers no disrespect to the Chinese people. In fact, one of my nephews was born in that country.

* * *

As the other Joes take off for places like France, Siberia, the Yucatan, Egypt, and China, one of the Cobra leaders have minor concerns of Dr. Mindbender's plot. "It's not that i doubt the potential of this endeavor, Baroness; it's that we've not operated on this scale since we attempted to control the mind of every animal on earth. What's more, he even has Ghengis Khan as one of the targets!" Destro said while pacing around with one of the lists.

The Baroness, who had only been partly listening then responded. "Vait, isn't his tomb supposed to be...No, it is more likely that he just picked a close relation; in which case he could have used my DNA."

"Yes, you have said that many times; but it may simply be too diluted for his use." Destro stated before shaking his head. "If i didn't know better, I'd say a second party was involved." He thought to himself.

* * *

Over at Joe H.Q., Hawk is speaking with the leaders of the countries they will be headed to. Unfortunately, not all of them are as concerned as they should be. "Could you run that by me again, please?" He asks the leader of The People's Republic, Zhao Ziyang.

"You heard me correctly, general. We have no reason to believe this list you claim Cobra made is a threat to us; after all, there is very little if any worth to them outside of blackmarket value." Mr. Zhao tells him.

 _After you smashed them all to smithereens._ General Hawk thinks before Top Notch replies.

"Don't be so sure until you know what Cobra intends to buy with them, even one of those artifacts could keep them going for years."

The premier scoffs at first before one of his generals says something to him. "But if you are all so concerned, then perhaps you can do one thing for us before we allow you to enter our territory."

"Which is?"

"Your Japanese lackeys must disband and surrender their arms and equipment to us, effective immediately. Only the American G.I. Joes will be allowed to defend Changqing's tomb at our side."

* * *

Sometime later, Quick-Kick's unit, consisting of him, Footloose, Barbecue, Lady-Jaye, Thunder, and several Green-shirts, arrive at Japan to work alongside Top Notch and his Joes. "Good to see you...i suppose, seeing as this will be our last mission." Top Notch says to them as he motions to a map of the whole country.

"What are we looking at, exactly?" Quick-Kick asks after counting a few little flag-pins on it, and Top Notch tells him they represent gravesites.

"Emperors such as Horikawa-tenno, Daimyo such as Oda, Toyotomi, and Tokugawa; and many other important leaders from our history. My troops, as well as a few American units are already taking position at most of the locations."

Quick-Kick stares at the marked spots for a while until Top Notch speaks again. "Have you determined just what Cobra wants from the tombs?"

He is about to reply when a Green-shirt rushes over. "Flint reported in saying they can see their destination, and Dusty's squad has just landed in Egypt."

"Right, keep us posted...Cutter's unit reached one in Hawaii for a 'Kala-something or other'; but they got there too late, no loot, no nothing." He explained before one of Top Notch's Joes entered holding an arrow and a note with a very familiar symbol on the back.

"Sir, we j-just got a message, it...says it's for you." The person says as he hands it over.

"Sticking their noses in our business again." Top Notch says to himself as he sets it down roughly. "It's from the Arashikage. They say a Cobra sub was spotted near Shimane prefecture."

"How long ago, where're they headed?" Thunder asked, causing him to look back at the map.

After a moment, Top Notch raised a brow. "Why would they want to head there?"/"As in?" He and Quick-Kick ask, one after the other. "If I'm right, they're after Miyamoto Musashi." He replied.

"Not one of yer dime'yo-yo's, i assume?" Barbecue asks aloud.

"No; and that's the strange part. I read about him in one of Snake-Eye's books. Miyamoto Mushashi was a self-taught duelist who mastered every weapon and fighting style Japan had back in the 17th century." Lady-Jaye explained. "If it's his grave Cobra's after, there's only one person they would send." She thinks to herself with a small smirk.

Top Notch then nods and speaks. "Alright Joes, we don't know what Cobra is after, and we don't have time to get the armor back in the planes, but they aren't getting it if we have anything to say about it...go, g.i. joe!"

The group takes off to intercept the enemy. Once on the ground, they take some local JSDF trucks to the village of Yuge, only to see a person in red clothes at the parking lot, standing amongst a few dead Cobra troops. "Eh, it's her again." Quick-Kick mumbles as they exit the vehicles.

"We might as well let the kid tag along, we're, like, running out of time, here." Footloose says as they rush past her.

"Fine; just follow my lead this time." Quick-Kick tells her, taking his group left while Top Notch, Azimuth, and two others go right.

Inside, they see Storm Shadow sending a Tele-Viper away while other troops have some villagers hostage. "You think they found out what she did just now?" Thunder asks while pointing to the Arashikagi girl.

"Whatever they're doing, let's make sure it doesn't go well, ready?"

"Yes sir."

"Then lets knock the rattles off 'em. Yo Joe!" Quick-Kick says as he leads the charge.

"They have found us! Hold them off while i plant this device."/"No problem, sir. Covery fire; Cobra!" Storm Shadow and one Viper say as the bullets start flying.

"Oh no, you don't." Lady-Jaye says aloud, and runs after him as she pulls out one of her javelins, but notices she was followed. "You just keep out of my way." She says as the head of her javelin opens to reveal a naginata blade.

"Worried i might jinx it for you? Then keep out of my way."

The two make their way through the graveyard, looking every which way until Lady-Jaye is shoved down. As she starts to whisper angrily, Kimi points to the wall above her, which has a throwing star in it. "Thanks, then." She says as both get up, and spots another, blocking it this time.

"If you think using that will be more effective than that lump of metal from that time in Britain, then you disappoint me, Joe." Storm Shadow says from somewhere above them.

"As much as i appreciate that time in New York, I'll do a lot more then that to you." She says back, and shuts her eyes before swiping the naginata to her right as Kimi watches him jump back.

"あなたの剣術は向上しました."* He says before turning and dodging a blow from Kimi.

"彼が誰かに教えるとき、あなたは他に何が期待できますか、裏切り者？"** Kimi tells him as she tries a dropkick, which does work, but he recovers instantly.

Storm Shadow is still for a moment until they see a smoke flare go off. "...As nice as it was to see your improvement, it would seem our match is over." He tells them as he heads for the graveyard's wall.

"Stop right there, dammit!" Kimi shouts as she pulls another javelin from Lady-Jaye's pack.

"Hey...no, not that one!" She shouts, but it was too late. When the javelin lands, it releases a couch sized balloon that all three of them stare at before Storm Shadow uses it to jump over the wall and into a trouble bubble.

"Ju-just what the hell was that?!"

"That was Hal, the hall-blocker." Lady-Jaye replied before getting her walkie-talkie out to report the bad news.

"Understood; don't let it get to you, 'Jaye, I'm sure the other's will have had better luck." Quick-Kick tells her as they watch the last enemy combatant fly off.

* * *

Chapter seven.

* Your swordmanship has improved.

** When he teach someone, what can you expect, traitor?


	8. ASA part three

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

Onboard a C-130 passing over the Mongolian border, Sgt. Slaughter is speaking with General Hawk over the radio. "What? Each one?" He asks out loud, causing Stalker and Grunt to glance at him for a second.

"Sadly yes. While we don't know how Cobra is making all their targets vanish yet, Dr. Mettier is trying to figure out just what they have to gain from it; and said that the interference i got was from that mayor planning to run for president...the same one who is probably calling ours to get my head on a platter; but how the other teams struck out as well doesn't make sense to me either." Hawk explains.

"You...don't suppose my training methods are to blame?" The Sarge asks him next, unable to stand the thought that he was responsible for the string of defeats.

Hawk pauses before answering, not about to risk anyone resigning over this. "Now wait a minute there, son, don't go putting this on yourse-"

"But i pushed them all too far, too suddenly, general!"

"On my request, sergeant. I put you in charge of us, so I'm the only Joe who's going take what Washington throws our way."

"...Well then, before that happens, I'll make damn sure they don't get the next one, even if i have to go alone. Sgt. Slaughter out."

* * *

Chapter eight.


	9. ASA part four

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to TOHO.

* * *

Back at Joe H.Q., Duke and Flint are in a locker room after showering. "-iously, they all gave up just like that?" The latter asked while putting one of his socks back on.

"Only on the all too likely basis that they'd soon be busted out."

"Sounds just like what one of Storm Shadow's troops said to us and that chick from S.E.'s place." Footloose said from the stalls.

"You had outside "assistance" too, laddy?" Blowtorch asks after shutting his locker.

"Yeah; until she, like, picked one of the toothpick fairy's weapons at random...Who'd you get, dude?" Footloose replied inbetween a warning from Flint.

"There was this crazy bald fellow saying he was wit' interpol while i and the rest of Scarlett's team was guarding the tomb of someone named Fakhr-al-Din the second." Blowtorch told him. "You should'a seen 'im, jumpin' around just like she was; 'cept, ya know, she didn't have this big machete lookin' thing. We had them just fine until Major Bludd tried to strafe us wit' more of those black jets."

"...Only jets?"

"Aye...you didn't see any STUNS, either, Duke?"

"Not at Ivan's mausoleum, the fang-gang only used one Firebat, and that was just for a single snow-serpent's quick get-away."/"And there was just the same black and red contraption that Beachhead described that was hidden on a truckbed." Duke and Slipstream mention.

"Then if they were only used in Paris, than whatever Cobra's up to, it's expensive enough that they can't refuel both air and ground vehicles. Doesn't give us an advantage, but it's a clue, nonetheless." Flint said aloud. "Anything else?"

"Well, that girl did say that there might be a new godzilla flick on the drawing board."

"Again?! They already dumped the guy in a volcano, for pete's sake."

"They really want to milk that thing dry, don't they?"

The rest ignore this when Breaker's voice is heard over the intercom. "Oh great, time to pass around the pink slips." Cutter says, only for the message to be about Beachhead and Mainframe being found alive and Sgt. Slaughter having won the first engagement in days.

"All Joes are to rendezvous at Mongolia as soon as possible!"

"You heard him people, get dressed and move out!"

"Yo Joe!"

While the rest of the Joes are loading the cargo jets, three others remain inside the base. Two of them not quite willingly. "You have something else to add, General?" Duke asked.

"Just that this turn of events doesn't sit well with me." Hawk says while shaking his head.

"You've got a point there. Seeing as how everything has been going Cobra's way thus far, they may ditched that gizmo you handed to Doc just to mess with us." Flint adds while looking away. "It'll be better to keep this to ourselves."

Disliking the idea, Duke speaks again. "Agreed...but shouldn't we atleast be letting Sgt. Slaughter in on this?"

"No, son, he's been taking this string of defeats personally; so telling him that Dr. Mindbender may have given it to him on purpose would only stress him out further." Hawk replies before he heads out to face other problems.

* * *

Chapter nine.


	10. ASA part five

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

At the same time, the twins are speaking to Destro of the aftermath of the first defeat in days. "Mindbender intends to do what?" The latter asked while leaning against a console.

"Yes, Destro, the "good doctor" thinks that Sgt. Slaughter's DNA..." Xamot starts.

"...Will more than compensate for Sun-Tzu's." Tomax finished.

It is a contingency neither of them agreed with. "I hate to sound like Cobra Commander, but this game has gone too far!" Destro says as he clenches a fist.

"We second-"/"and third the motion*, friend." Each reply after the other before switching to unison. "We already have the next move ready and waiting."

* * *

Once the Joes and the Soviet forces begin setting up the defenses at Mongolia, Hawk leads Beachhead into the command tent to inform him of the Slaughter issue. "Undehstood, sir; ain't none of us want'in to see wut'd be left stand'n if he broke undeh da pressure." The latter comments.

"Aside from that; i wish to know more about this discovery you have made." A representative from the Soviet 39th Army, 2nd G.T.C. asks Hawk, who had been putting it off until Beachhead's team had arrived.

"Very well." Hawk begins, opening a case with the broken machine inside. "As you must have heard from your superiors, Cobra's top brass has been raiding gravesites of long gone rulers and other historical figures all over the globe. Each of them using a device this like this one here to cause the remains to vanish."

"Da, word has been going around amongst us; but you mean to say is connected to this...whatever it is?" The Soviet officer asks him while looking it over.

"Absolutely, because we've found that it's purpose is to break down organic material until only the DNA is left to scoop up for use in super soldiers." Hawk tells them.

"So, wut's dis DNA stuff? Ah thenk da word's familiah, but..." Beachhead asked as he and the Soviet officer stared blankly.

"DNA is the genetic schematic of every living thing on the planet. If Cobra is able to regain the upper hand, then they'll use those samples to replace all their troops with ones could soon out perform the blitzkrieg." Hawk explained, causing the officer to stand.

"Which would be disaster, I must inform Moscow immediately." He says, turning around until Hawk speaks again.

"I recommend you do so in person just in-" He starts to say before the phone rings. "General Hawk here...How far out...Right, put me on speaker." He continues as he signals the other two to drop down. "We got an air raid, man your battlestations, Night Ravens attacking!"

As the sound of aircraft gets louder, the Soviet officer crawls forward and takes the phone. "Байр сууриа олж, сүүлчийнх нь төлөө тэмцээрэй! Энэ булшийг цээрлэх ёсгүй!"

* * *

Several hours later, the Cobra jet arrives at the Terrordrome and offloads both of it's latest ill-gotten gains. As Dr. Mindbender is heading to his lab, he requests one of the Twins to use one of the devices on the enemy prisoner; while the other has already reached the storage room. "Have you done it yet, brother?" Tomax asks mentally.

"I have indeed..." Xamot replies as he pulls off the knob to reattach it at a lower setting. "But oh dear, it seems to be faulty somehow."

* * *

Following Sgt. Slaughter's escape, he is making his way toward what was his would-be rescuers, when he finds a destroyed STUN, not noticing one Viper, who he missed due to taking a moment to remove his helmet to wipe off some sweat, revealing a black square-shaped haircut, hiding in the foliage. He is just getting the confused escapee in his crosshairs when he sees the man struck by something else.

"What the fuck is a bear doing here?!" Stratton asks himself before realizing what it was, but before he could decide which to fire at first, he hears rustling behind him.

He turns to see the Twins with two other Vipers. "I see you have noticed-"/"-Cobra Commander's handiwork." The two say quietly, and explain the situation until they see the creature's defeat, and head out to apprehend The Sarge. "A slight problem with Dr. Mindbender's recipe..."

* * *

Having just taken the U.S. capitol, Serpentor and a few of the other leaders are wandering around when they notice five Vipers standing and drinking next some dead marines in dress uniform and a marble marker with three rectangles infront of it. "Is this one of the locations you used to create me?" He asks while the Vipers sets a can down by one of the bodies.

"It is not, Serpentor." Destro tells him while The Baroness is shouting at the Vipers. "This is the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, one for those fallen of the last few wars this country took part in who were too disfigured to identify."

"Is that so?" The new emperor says aloud, and crouches down to arrange the bodies in a more respectful pose, then up to grab one of the Vipers by the neck and strangles him before throwing him as far from the site as he could. "You four, spread word of this to the rest of my forces. Never allow any such behavior toward another warrior, alive or dead, from now on; this i command!"

Elsewhere, Dr. Mindbender is at the Smithsonian when a TeleViper walks over and hands him the contents of the mail room. Taking one letter on top of the pile, he opens it, and finds it to be from a botanist. "Dr. Wendigos..."

* * *

Chapter ten. Read and review, please.


	11. Post-op part eight

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

After retaking Washington, as the newer Joes, minus Leatherneck, who had worked with the senior members here before, are "regaled" with the stories of the last time they dealt with the carnage Cobra left behind, Duke, Flint and Beachhead are at a temporary command post due to the Pentagon still having teargas fumes in it. "Alright, General, I'll tell them." He says into a phone, and hangs up to let the other two know that Hawk and Sgt. Slaughter just arrived at the UN. "With all the firsthand accounts, including yours and the Sgt's..." Duke tells them while pointing to Beachhead. "...concerning this "Serpentor" fella, he hopes to get the Chinese to reconsider their demand that our Japanese branch be disbanded."

"Dey'd betteh if dey know wut's gud fer'em. Afteh wut we saw 'im shrug owf everythang da Sarge had, we'll need a branch everywhere but Antarctica." Beachhead replied. "Felt jes' laik a wrestlin' match 'til dem clankety-clanks showed up."

"The ones all of you say attacked you and their new leader?" Duke asks him.

"A Cobra civil war, then? And what about that tremor the Sgt. and Mainframe mentioned in their reports?" Flint asks right after.

"Ah can't say nuttin 'bout da rowbots, but da rest of us figured some random earthquake wasn't worth mentionin'. Dat big ape and Mainframe jes' thenk it was a bunch'a hocus-pocus." Beachhead tells them while waving a hand around before the phone rings again.

A few moment later, Duke hangs up and shakes his head. "Well, it's not clear what kind of news that is, but the bad news is that that was the Washington Navy Yard. They've got the last of the fires out; unfortunately not in time to save the Flagg's half-finished replacement, so all we can do now is borrow any other carrier."

Once the damage to the capital is fixed, and the other Joes hold a "viking burial" for their resignation forms, Hawk informs the four that China has agreed to allow Top Notch's Joes to stay, but only under the condition that they and the American branch never set foot on mainland Asia.

"Did anyone else object to this?" Duke asks him.

"South Korea, Australia, and India definitely didn't like the idea, but not as much as North Korea was against letting it pass. Their dignitary wouldn't stop insinuating that we orchestrated the whole event." Hawk replies.

"That loudmouth made it seem like i waltzed right in to the terrordrome." Sgt. Slaughter "clarified".

"Based on the Soviet's testimony, i take it?" Flint asks him before glancing at him.

"What are you trying to say, huh, that I'm some stinking double-agent?" The Sgt. says as Beachhead glances as well.

"Settle down there, I'm just being impartial since it is odd that you just happened to be the only one out of all of us and an entire Mongolian battalion to get on the enemy transport back at the last tomb; and at the same time Dr. Mindbender allegedly made you one of his targets." Flint said next.

"As much as ah hate havin' anythang in common wit' him, dat does make one hell of a coinshuhdence." Beachhead added, only for Sgt. Slaughter to lean towards him.

"How about i give both of ya two black-eyes, will that be impartial eno-" He was saying. They were right about some of it, and he didn't like any of it.

"At ease, all three of you!" General Hawk demanded. "The Sergeant's loyalty is not the issue here. All we need is to question how we are to counter these recent events, is that clear?"

"Yes sir, we were out of line, sir."

"Good. Now let's get to work."

* * *

Chapter eleven.


	12. Downtime part thirty-seven

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

TY to GIJoeFan985 for review, though instead of the comics, my stories are based on what i figure RL people would do, which is why it took until Worlds Without End to kill off canon characters.

* * *

As Cobra was replacing it's losses from Washington, Serpentor is in the Extensive Enterprises records room to learn of the various plots of his predecessor. "And thisss wass when i had the idea to use Gypsy magic to create a Phantom Brigade." The predecessor told him as he inserts another laser-disc.

"Gypsies, you say? They always were as untrustworthy as those Dreadnoks; though i have to wonder if those two served under me or not while they lived." Serpentor says as he pauses the recording made by a Crimson Guardsmen working at the Carpathian base.

"Untrustworthy is right...issn't it, Baronesss?" Cobra Commander replied while glancing at her as she rolls her eyes.

"Ancient history, Commander." She tell him in a disinterested tone.

"Yes, ve are here to show our emperor each of your failures, so that he does not repeat them." Dr. Mindbender says right after while looking at Destro.

"That only happened one time for a completely different reason!"/"Failures?! My only error was hiring you double-crosssing ingratess!" He and Cobra Commander shout at the same time as Serpentor huffs.

"Somethings never change." He tells himself as a noise is heard behind him. "And which of your "modern conveniences" is doing that?"

"Our fax machine..." Tomax says first.

"It seems that Van Mark industries..." Xamot says next.

"Has declined that merger proposal we offered." Both finish.

* * *

Chapter twelve.


	13. The Millon Dollar Medic

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

Following Sgt. Slaughter's return to his hidden post, due to most of the subordinates being too off their rocker for his liking, Lifeline is exiting the commissary when Quick-Kick walks past, only to grab his arm and make a fist at him. "Whoa, hey-sto-wuh ahf...what's gotten into you?!" The medic says the latter momentarily places a hand over his mouth.

"Wait, Lifeline? I didn't mean it, honest i...i thought you were that rat-bastard Lansberg for a sec." Quick-Kick replies while dusting him off.

"Lansberg?, He's the directer involved with that hypno-song Cobra used when i was still in basic training, isn't he...do i really look like him right now; and what'd he do to you?"

"Eh, kinda-sorta; for the second part, he went and ditched me in a frozen hell-hole when the snakes were setting up the pyramid of darkness."

"I remember that, too. Half of the folks at the grocery store thought the world was ending."

A few days later, the Joes are reeling from the damage from both Cobra and Lifeline's "biggest fan".

The two Van Marks are with the top four on the assembly room's stage, the older of the two at the podium. "To all of you brave individuals of this organization, i have been informed by your commanding officer that my daughter has caused a great deal of hardship, loss of valuable equipment...and personnel." He starts, glancing at the list of names of 56 fallen green-shirts.

"Damn right she did." Recondo says to himself, with a dozen others silently agreeing.

"That menace needs to get locked up for this!"/"Or better yet, deport her ass!"/She nearly killed us, just look at me. Barbecue, Footloose, and Snake-Eyes each say, the latter through cardboard sign, half of which was being held by Crankcase due to the owner's broken arm.

While that goes on, Lifeline taps a finger on his folded arm as he watches Bree trembling in her seat until Doc places a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about her, young man, they don't mean it; we've been through much worse than this." Lifeline stares for a second before nodding with a sigh.

After the audience is quieted, Mr. Van Mark continues. "Though it will hardly make up for this disaster, your commanders and i have arranged for Bree to be assigned to G.I. Joe so that every paycheck can be collected by said commanders."

As the Joes begin to complain, General Hawk stands and takes the podium. "Protest all you want, but be aware that this has also been made known to and accepted by my superiors. From this point forward, Miss Brittany Van Mark is the third G.I. Joe medical corp member. Her codename: Crash-cart*."

* * *

Chapter Thirteen.

* I forget if i referred to her with a - in G.I. Joe: Detachment, feel free to correct me if i got the codename wrong.


	14. PR Fubar

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to any comic-strip animals.

TY for all reviews.

* * *

In the intel room of Joe H.Q., the trio is going over files from around the world, when a fax comes in. "What's it say, Stalker?" Scarlett asked after he picked it up and looked it over.

"It's about Cobra's latest financial transactions. Millions for medical centrifuges, plywood, live piranha's-don't wanna know what those'r for, and chump change for some gang over in Dusty's turf that popped up last month... " He replies, referring to a recently formed militant group while handing it to her.

"Only money? No firearms or nothing?"

"Nah, just a measly thousand. Even the snakes don't think these "al-qaeda" punks are worth it."

"I wouldn't be so sure. This is the "graveyard of empires" we're talking about." Scarlett tells him, but he brushes it off before heading to the coffee table, only to feel a tug on his head.

"Whu-hey!"

"Lady's first, or the beret gets it." She says while holding a stapler to it when they hear Breaker's voice over the intercom telling everyone to head to assembly. She tosses it back as they leave.

Once everyone is seated, General Hawk stands. "Now that we're here, i have received orders from Washington for a public relations project. Despite how many weeks ago the invasion by Cobra was, the fear of a repeat in any other country is just as present as ever; therefore, we will be making a part live-action/part CGI film based on a suggestion by a patient, who shall be nameless, of Dr. Rich." He explains, none of the audience noticing the small grin on Lady Jaye's face.

* * *

A month and a half later, the Joes, and one guest, are back in the assembly room. "You think this'll be any betteh seeing it from anotheh angle?"/"Atleast you were in it. I just hope it's not too long, those parts for the base's new papa-bravo-golf just arrived."/"This movie stinks!"/"They haven't started it up yet, genius."/"...Oh." Barbecue, Tollbooth, Bazooka, and Lift-Ticket say to each other.

"It took forever to get this over with, Norman, but i think you'll find it worth the wait." General Hawk says before nodding to the projector window.

The lights go out, and an aircraft carrier appears on the screen. After a flyby of CGI Conquest jets, several Joes and ground vehicles rush out of landing craft, causing the crowd to cheer...momentarily. "Finally, i was getting sea-sick."/"Down with the mushroom palace!"/"Beep beep, coming through!" They hear from "Cover-Girl", "Beachhead", and "Low-Light".

"Sea-sick?"/"Wut da hell? Ah never said dat!"/"Heh, least they got my good side." The ones in the audience say, since each one's "voice" was distorted.

The scene changes to the "Dreadnoks" entry. "Take the wheel, Sci-Fi." Sgt. Slaughter says as he gets on the hood.

"Aw, i wanna drive it." A voice that seemed to be from Quick-Kick said. "Move over, Sir Lima-bean!"

"I didst call shotgun in the port, ye of little shirt." Sci-Fi shouted before The Sarge decked one of the enemy mercs.

"Oh, he got me!" "Monkeywrench" says as he falls down.

As the Joes looks on, some in disbelief, others in annoyance, and some in amusement, the scene changes again. "Eat blueberry sprinkles, you poop-heads!" The on-film Serpentor, which looked a little too much like a blue-screen effect.

"Cinnamon stick, away!"/"Ow, i~scrapped my~my elbow~w!" "Lady Jaye" and "Serpentor" as Scarlett leans toward the real former.

"Was this part of your dream, too?"/"Aw, shut up."

"Hawk, what in god's name is this; you were supposed to put the civilians at ease, but really..." The other General asks him as CGI trubble bubbles and firebats take off.

"Now wait a minute, i-i have no idea how this...or...Airtight, you fix this right now or you'll be on k.p. till you're older than i am!" Hawk orders as the one on the H.A.V.O.C. speaks up. "I got a tiny choo-choo, and you don't!"

Airtight stands up as Snake-Eyes and Leatherneck both scoot away from him. "What makes you think i did it?" He asks aloud.

"Are we there yet?" All the "Joes" on the Silver Mirages ask in the background.

"...Yuh dun' super-glued a stuffed Heathcliff on mah li'l gurl's windshield last week." Cross-Country says to him.

"And you switched my glasses with Ianotti's two days after that." Lifeline says next as "Alpine" complains about not being able to see anything with his goggles. "I could have been operating one someone and hit an artery."

"Okay, besides that...and it was a Garfield one, actually; but i didn't do this, sir. Scout's honor, cross my heart, and all that stuff."

"Well if it isn't you this time, then who the hell did do it?" Hawk asks him.

"Awk, awk, someone's a.w.o.l." Polly says as his sailor falls of his chair over the part where B.A.T. blows up with a videogame sound effect.

Hawk glares at the parrot before he looks around. "You know, he's right. Does anyone notice who's missing?" He asks while "the enemy base" is blowing up, only to remember who is manning the camera.

"What'cha lookin' at, pardner, ya missed' da big finish." Wild Bill asks Wet-Suit, who was looking away from the on-screen explosion.

"Nothing, it's uh...it's dullsville, so i ain't interested...so lay off." Wet-Suit replies, causing the pilot to shrug and walk off.

"Sure, I'm going to be scrubbing the whole base for this, but that'll show 'em to leave me out of the finale." Duke says to himself as he watches the general heading for the hallway.

* * *

Chapter fourteen.


	15. Cobrathon

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

Around the same time the Joes were busy with their performance, the Cobra emperor had woken and headed to his personal restroom. As he reaches the sink, he realizes something amiss, and runs out to the hall. A few underlings stop to salute before also noticing, with one even reaching for his sidearm out of reflex. "Put that thing away, Viper...whichever! It's me."

"97, my emperor; where'd your eyebrow's go?" The random Viper asks while pointing it to his own visor.

"All of you use your name's and nevermind my face, just get Dr. Mindbender up here, right now! This i command!"

Six minutes later, a voice is heard over the intercom. "I'm sorry, my emperor, the Dr.'s sub left for the arctic ten minutes ago; but we do have him on the monitor in the war-room."

Once there, the Baroness and Wild Weasel are dragging Cobra Commander away, having been rendered unconscious for mockery, as Serpentor is demanding answers. "How curious. You say this happened as you slept, then there were side-effects." Dr. Mindbender says aloud.

"Side-effects of what? If you have dared to experiment on me, i will crush every-" The emperor starts to say as he points to the screen.

"Vell, as you are avare, you haf been created from a number of different individuals, and thus contain all their mindsets. There vas bound to be some incompatibility, so you are regularly given mental suppressants, other-vis-" Dr. Mindbender explains.

"Suppressants?!"

"I-It vas something that had to be done, lest your mind burn itself out, my emperor! It is likely your "new" face is a sign of vhich personality is currently in use...and it's not yet determined the physical change is permanent. Perhaps you could ask Storm Shadow for assistance." Dr. Mindbender tells him as Serpentor turns to one side before walking off. "So it vould seem, the brain is just as vulnerable as any other comput...Tele-Viper, as soon as ve finish with Vendigos, i vant a list of all known computer hackers."

"Yes sir."

* * *

Sometime later, Breaker is busy listening to Dial-Tone's head swelling. "-And how's the radar net look, Breaker?"

"The same as it did 20 minutes ago; nothing flying that isn't supposed to be flying. Now give it a rest already." He replies just as one of the monitors turns on. "Turn that off, junior!"

"It's not me, I'm inno-" Dial-Tone starts to say before calling the General's office. "General Hawk, sir, i think it's happening again!"

"Again? What exactly...Aw, hell; shut it all down right now!" Hawk orders before calling Duke and Beachhead.

Once the mess is over, the three put together what it was about. "Is dis is gonna be laik dat taim wit' da explodin' stones?" The latter asks.

"Probably. Serpentor must not be as smart as we thought he was if he's reusing one of Cobra Commander's schemes."

"Unless this is only a diversion." Duke suggests.

"Whatever it is, we've so far only managed to narrow it down to South America. With Flint and the Greenshirts out guarding our relatives, it's up to the two of you. Take four volunteers down there and take out the source."

"Yes sir, we'll be in and out before they know it."

* * *

Chapter fifteen.


	16. Glamour Girls

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to Hasbro, Star Trek, or Care-Bears.

Note: parts of this will be AU.

* * *

Following the "cobrathon" incident, Duke is in the rec-room watching tv when he hears Scarlett behind him. "Is that supposed to be one of our jets?" She asks Footloose and Quick-Kick, both holding toy vehicles.

"Heh, she thinks it's a Conquest, too." The latter replies.

"These are Air Raiders, dudette. This here's called a Hawkwind...that's the bad guy plane, and i was totally about to knock out Quick's stupid goody two-shoes Twin Lightning." Footloose added before Quick-Kick blows a raspberry at him.

"Fighting for air against the Tyrants of wind! Just surplus from last year's Christmas drive." The latter then says as he holds it up, only for one of the little rockets to go off and land in her hair. "Sorry."

"No big deal." She tells him as she hands it back, and heads over to the tube. "And how about you Duke?"

"Just watching that new Star Trek show." He says as she sits down next to him.

"I heard from Deep-Six about something in Nevada while i was on leave." She says, and he mutes the show to tell her how aside from the typical bruises, Lifeline and Sci-Fi were mostly unharmed.

"He-the first one-almost got a load of venom if Low-Light hadn't used the fire extinguisher move Flint heard about, atleast i didn't have to make the bad news for Crash-Cart any worse." He explains inbetween Quick-Kick's interruption, only to notice an odd move from Scarlett. Her shrugging it off. "You still don't think much of her?"

"Damn right i don't; all she did was hit us harder than Cobra did with that solar farm." She replies while rolling her eyes. "It took days for me to stop flinching whenever i heard a chopper flying."

Duke shakes his head before continuing. "Also, Beachhead, Mainframe and i nearly got blown up, and Flint pulled an arm muscle while hanging off a hotel sign." He explained. "Other than that, Interpol said one of their agents requested a transfer to us, according to them, it's the same one your team met during the DNA thefts."

* * *

At the same time, Serpentor is busy telling off some of his soldiers after finding out that they waste time by bragging about who got beaten the hardest by the enemy's three female members when Dr. Mindbender walks over. "How goes your work, doctor?"

"Much better, my emperor, now that ve are able to make the change external, and the Bio-annihilator test site is 73% finished as vell." He replies, referring to the first surviving blue-shirt, who had been dubbed "Tiny" by one of the Dreadnoks. "But i have other news related to your condition."

"You have found a way to make it stop?" Serpentor asks him.

"Eh, not yet-but there is an individual who claims to have completed a machine that can transfer one person's facial features to another. In other words, Cobra may soon haf the perfect tool for espionage." Dr. Mindbender explains while Serpentor steps towards him.

"Show me."

* * *

One week after the demo video reaches the Terrordrome, Low-Light is at the supply room for a new goggle strap when a voice is heard over the intercom. "Dial-Tone to Low-Light, you have a personal call waiting on hold."

Once he reaches the monitor room, he picks up the phone. "Hello?"

"How's it going, GI Bro? The apartment's water pipes just ruptured so we need to move all our stuff, but the pro's would cost too much, so I'd rather have family do it to save some cash and-" Una tells him on the speaker after Dial-Tone switches it over.

"Slow down, slow down. How's my daughter taking this...oh, you're not moving that far? Even so, i just got done with a job in Vegas; can it wait?" He asks while sneering at him and Ace and his poker-buddies for snickering at him, only to suddenly do so as well. "Nah, nevermind. Dial-Tone and i will be right there." He says next while watching the radio-man's eyes widen.

* * *

Before Una and Satin are taken to the cell, the latter is placed in a smaller room with one other waiting at a table. Someone she knows only too well. "Now isn't thiss a pleasant surprise, Miss Sssatin?" Cobra Commander asks as he leans back.

"As if, you faceless freak. Last time we met, you were making out with a keyboard." She replies as she turns her head, but raises a brow when he laughs it off.

"Faccceless, you say? That is amusingly ironic."

"What the hell's so funny?"

"Oh, you will find out sssoon enough."

* * *

As they are off to "borrow" an A.W.E. Striker, Dr. Mindbender and a few underlings are examining Madame Veil's invention. "And finally, behind this panel are the main circuit boards where the donor face's code will be sent for editing. Here's one of the back-up units." She explains while handing it to him.

"It must have been difficult for even you to acquire these, Madame." He replies as he flips it over.

"Oh, you don't know the half of it-hold on one second." She tells him when an employee of hers walks in to tell her something. "Do excuse me. I need to go sign some more letters that just arrived."

Once she leaves, Dr. Mindbender tosses it back in the box. "Verdammte Zeitverschwendung." He says under his breath.

"Did you break part of it, sir?" Viper Stratton asks.

"No i didn't break part of it, you fool! Now get out, all of you...not that it vould matter if i did break part of it. The Commander vas right about this person; her machine is-is a piece of crap! Nothing but the guts of every household appliance known to man!" Dr. Mindbender says to himself.

Unaware of this, and between it and the fear of being picked for the arctic experiments he heard about, Viper Stratton begins reconsidering his future.

Not long after, the Dr. contacts the Terrordrome. "I trust you have finished studying the facial transference machine by now, Dr. Mindbender. Has madame Veil agreed to sell the schematics?" Serpentor asks him.

"Um, yes; about that...unfortunately, my emperor, it vould appear that she is less...stable than vhat i expected."

"What?! You had better mean her sense of balance, you blithering mumpsimus*. The Crimson Twins have just finished informing all their agents. There will not be any more setbacks, this i command!"

"Ye-yes, of course, oh great one. Even if the machine itself is a failure, ve can simply kill her, then take the components, the island, and her fortune all at one." Dr. Mindbender tells him.

"Hmm, that is acceptable. We will never speak of this again when it's over. But if you botch it up, your suffering will be the stuff of nightmares!"

* * *

While Low-Light is leaving his office, Flint sighs and reaches for his phone to get the only Joes who could be of aid. "Hello?" He hears from Cpl. West.

"Cpl; are either of your superiors there?"

"Yes sir, here you go...It's Flint for you."/"Evening, Flint, what's going on?" She and Lady-Jaye say to him, and the latter is given the details, causing both to think back to that night during the fast food rocket ordeal. "Glamour Girls?, Yeah, we noticed the connection years ago...Turns out Extensive bought it in '73...so we fed them to Timber and the rest of the guard dogs before the Albania mission."

"...How soon can you and Scarlett be ready?"

"I'm afraid you just missed Scarlett, she left five minutes ago with Dusty, Rock 'n Roll, and a few Greenshirts to determine if Cobra was involved with that plane crash in Pakistan the other day. But I'll be packed faster than a hummingbird."

"You and me both; is Cover-Girl here?"

"She just got back with some new garbage bags, I'll let her know." Lady-Jaye tells him before hanging up.

"Know about what?" Cover-Girl asks, and gives some more details for the case. "Glamour Girls...that sure brings me back. How soon can i make them regret it?"

"By reminding me know who the middle-man is."

"The middle-woman went by the name Madame Veil, only one of the biggest names in the modelling world; started as just another WW2 pin-up girl before founding that company in the early 60s until, well, you know..."

* * *

Following Flint's capture, the Moray skipper turns the radio on. "Moray 720 to Dr. Mindbender, we're returning ahead of schedule two or three subjects."

"Vat does that "or" mean, and are those explosions i am hearing?" He asks in reply.

"The Joes must have been tracking the first two, but it looks like they just got snuffed out. Which leaves us with one problem." The Skipper tells him.

"The Baroness did think they vere suspicious...Vat else?"

"Er...no idea how, but Zarana showed up a few seconds before the shooting started, and she's acting just like the rest. Any suggestions, Dr.?"

Dr. Mindbender slaps a hand to his forehead at this, instantly knowing that those muck-slurping chimps must have used the camera on her, meaning the only way to rid himself of these migraines was to give it to their handler.

* * *

Once the three are being led off the dock, one of the Vipers walks toward them. "I'll take it from...Is she here for back-up?" He asks while motioning to Zarana.

"Nope, she got brain-drained by accident, so you take her to the Doc; we'll put these two to the cell." The Skipper tells him. The Viper nods and walks with them to a security blindspot, where he pushes one into a wall. "Whatl?! Double crossin' bas-" The other says before the Viper strangles him and kicks the other in the head, and shoves both into a closet. He then places something into Cover-Girl's pocket.

When the trio wakes up, she speaks first. "Where'd everybody go...and why didn't you go with them?"

"I could say the same, blondie, blabbering like ya know me; those arsewipes are so dead when Mindbender lets me out of here!" She says as she rolls her eyes.

"Matter of fact, we do, pepto-bitchmal." Cover-Girl tells her.

"Joey spies, are ya? Figures; and let's see ya call me that again after i bash your bloomin' teeth in!" Zarana shouts.

Lady-Jaye is about to say something when Satin and Una intervene. "Yeah yeah; settle down, you two. Besides, it's awfully hard to bash anyone's teeth when you're stuck like that." The former singer says, motioning behind her.

Zarana looks to her right and gasps when she notices that she's been shackled to the wall. "Aw, f-"

While she deals with that, the two find a place to sit. "Tell the rest to not face each other while talking, Helen." Lady-Jaye tells Satin.

"Wish we could have met in a better looking place. Will we'll be busting out soon?" She asks her. "Is my daughter okay? And how's the sailorman doing; they're all on the way, i hope?" Satin asked next.

"Shipwreck's still around, and your kid's safe with Short-Fuze, by the way. No way i was gonna miss paying either of you back."/"Flint and Lift-Ticket are probably on the way now, but Shipwreck's out on patrol near Iceland." The two explain. "Did they say how much they want for ransom? I can't imagine they're keeping us for our looks, considering one of us looks like a Care Bear barfed on her." Cover-Girl added while pointing a thumb at Zarana.

"I'm afraid it is about looks. That man who keeps going around shirtless, and the creepy hag have this machine that can steal a person's face!" Una tells them.

The two glance at each other, and gulp. "Anyone here you know, peach?" Lady-Jaye asks to change the subject.

"Just from some ads every now and again."

"I think i know you, though." One of the hostages says. "Courtney Kreiger, right?, I'm Candy Huntley-i remember your photo's from the studio. That's one of the jacket's that came out last month, isn't it?"

"You can talk shop later, missy. We need to find a way out." Lady-Jaye tells her. "And don't face us, we can't have the guards see us talking."

"Right, sorry."

"If this was Cobra made, it'd be easier. You being the expert 'n all." Cover-Girl adds.

"You can't just beat him up like you do on the news?" One hostage asks them.

"Uh, no. He has an FFV 890 with six extra clips. All we got are the bobbypin i never leave home without, a thimble's worth of concrete chips, and that's it." Lady-Jaye replies.

Una looks down in despair, but spots something. "What's that sticking out of your pocket?"

Cover-Girl looks down and pulls it out. "I dunno? Definitely didn't leave the base with it, and it looks like a bunch of wires." She continues, causing all of them to slowly look to the box by the exit.

"Didn't you do a scene like this, Dawset?" Another hostage asked.

"Not with actual electricity, but it's our only option. What do we do about the guard?"

"Let's just wait till his shift is over. We'll nail both of them once they aren't looking."

* * *

Once the sequence is averted, Madame Veil stands and heads for the mirror. "You're too late, Mr. soldier. Her face is all mine, now." She tells the crowd, and starts twirling around. "La la la la la; young, young, young a~gain!" She sings to herself as all of them glance at each other in confusion.

"See what Rich can do for her." Low-Light says to Lifeline.

When the Joes, hostages, and captured Vipers are back on US soil, an army prison bus arrives with one more familiar face. "Lavigne?" Flint asks aloud.

"Correcto mundo, sir. How many snakes you got for us?" The m.p. asks back while heading to the prisoners, only for one of them to elbow him and get his sidearm.

"Shit, watchout!" Another m.p. says as he's shot in the arm. The prisoner than turns towards Una, but a second Viper jumps infront of her, whose helmet falls off when he hits the ground, showing it to be Stratton.

After Dial-Tone and a third m.p. kill the shooter, Una crouches down next to the unexpected savior. "Wh~why did you~why did you do that...Was he one of you all along?" She asks him as Lifeline shakes his head opens his medkit.

"Let's just s...ay i got a thing for blonds."

A few weeks later, he is seen walking into one of the barracks. "Sure doesn't look like the brochure." He tells himself as he looks around, and head to a bunk.

As he opens his dufflebag, he hears someone approaching. "You are being former snakeman, yes?" He turns to see a bald man with a reddish beard.

* * *

Chapter sixteen.

* This is a real word meaning one who keeps making the same mistake even after being corrected.


	17. Iceberg Goes South

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

To GiJoefan985: He is now.

* * *

Four months after that, Duke and Flint are in the Nevada desert with Tollbooth, seven other Joes, and a platoon of greenshirts setting up a training field for potential middle-east deployment, when Mainframe drives over in a Recon Sled. "Hawk wants to speak with you, Duke."

"Duke here, General. Tollbooth's men are 80% finished with the construction, sir." He says into the radio, only to look at it strangely a moment later. "Run that by me again?"

"Is there a problem?" Flint asks when Duke ends the call and shakes his head.

"You...you remember that time Cobra gave some of their naval troops gills; well, General Hawk says they seem to have perfected the process." He explains, causing the other two to blanch. "According to Beachhead's report, Dr. Mindbender was using the tropidome to not only turn their soldiers into wolf and bear hybrids, but they...the bastard turned Iceberg into a whale right infront of Snowjob."

"Good lord."/"What should we tell the rest?"

"Fortunately, we were able to save him, although Doc wants him off active duty." Duke adds as he glances to Flint. "I was also told Beachhead requested being sent somewhere with no ice or trees for a while."

"I'll get my office cleared for him, then." The 3IC replies with a nod.

* * *

Chapter seventeen.


	18. My Brother's Keeper

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to any work of Science Fiction. This will be slightly AU, and set before The Spy Who Rooked Me.

* * *

Two months later, Dr. Mindbender is watching the construction of a mini-Drome in the Suez canal when he is informed that Serpentor wish to speak with him. "Yes my liege, how can i be of service?"

"I have just considered how to get around the lack of siege weapons in this day and age. You will construct a weapon that can produce a similar effect to a battering ram. Any opinions are ill-advised, now get on it. This i command!"

"Oh, i vill do so at once, sire." Dr. Mindbender says, and sighs after the transmission was ended. "Destro should nefer have let him find out about the Star Vars films. I'll just redesign one of The Commander's old projects and let him think it has something to do vith anti-matter."

* * *

Once Dial-Tone is back in the US, the former contacts the Slaughterhouse. "Sgt. Slaughter here."

"Sgt., this is Dial-Tone; Low-Light and I recently got back from Cobra Island, where we tapped into their comm-system." He tells him.

"And what makes you mention that to me? Are the other three unavailable?"

"Just that we overheard Dr. Mindbender and Serpentor attempting to perfect an anti-matter weapon. I forget the name, but-" Dial-To says to him, only to be interrupted.

"Say no more, I'll be there before you can say Ticonderoga."

After getting the rest of the story from Hawk, The Sarge agrees. "Science fiction, huh? There's one Joe who can get real close to Penser with nobody noticing."

"I'll have Sci-Fi notified of the situation, immediately." Hawk says, but sees him blanch at the idea.

"Eh...This may sound out of line, but I'd rather eat my whistle."

The two argue a bit before Hawk gives in. The Sarge then goes around the base to pick his assistant. First was Thunder, who is at the motor-pool with a crane-mounted H.A.V.O.C. "You want to go where? Didn't think you were the type." He says while shaking his head.

"I'm not. Cobra is after a physicist who's gonna be there for Q&A."

"If that's the case, I'd go, but Duke said to adjust this unit's winding drum."

Sgt. Slaughter then decides to ask Quick-Kick after being told that Blowtorch and Deep-Six are on patrol. "Hah, you planning to go as a monster or a robot?"

"Neither, it's only an intercept site." He replies.

"Well i gotta turn you down to practice with that defector Flint brought back; word has it Beachhead thinks he's too much of a renegade." Quick-Kick says.

He then heads for Tripwire, who suggests Sci-Fi.

Breaker does the same before snickering at him, and runs off when scowled at.

Mainframe, Alpine, and Bazooka would get too distracted.

Going with Scarlett would cause the wrong kind of distraction.

Airtight is in the infirmary after a spill-over on his shin.

Snake-Eyes gives him a note saying "no way" with a doodle of Mr. Spock, and The Sarge stomps off.

and Barbecue just laughs at him. "Just so long as yah don't go as Capt. Marvel, that'd be impersonaten' an officeh." He says right before Sgt. Slaughter punches him in the chin into the ceiling.

After a reprimand from Hawk and Doc, he makes his way to the barracks. "Alright, Sci-Fi...you and me are going to the World's Science Fiction Convention."

* * *

Chapter eighteen.


	19. TSWRM

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

The week after that, Beachhead is in the mess-tent when Roadblock heads toward him. "Flint wants you at the heli-pad in ten minutes to greet the new meat."

Beachhead scowls for a second, but nods and sends him off. Once outside, he goes over the roster. "West, Burton, Morales, Douglas, Ta...Taputapu? Wut sorta cockamamie name is that?" He asks outloud while twisting the paper around, causing one of the greenshirts to respond.

"You don't like it, you can eat my f'in shorts."

"...What da hell was dat yuh said, dirtbag?!" Beachhead yelled, and watches a dark-skinned man from the third row step up.

"You heard me; E-5 Dave Taputapu." The greenshirt says to him. "And i heard enough smartassin' about it in Chicago; no way in hell I'm taking it here!"

Beachhead scowls again, noting all the misery his name caused, before speaking. "Wut nationality is Taputapu?"

"I'm Samoan; but born in Chicago, Illinois."

"...Ah'rait; maybe ah misspoke jes' naw. But wait till yuh commandeh ain't tawlkin n' use propeh channels, next taim." He says before getting his walkie-talkie. "Flint, got anyone who ain't busy?" He asks, only to hear shouting to his right. He looks over to see a H.A.V.O.C. ramming a remote controlled ASP and getting stuck. "Neveh mind." He says as he watches Stratton exit the cabin while Cross-Country jumps off and start cussing at him after inspecting the damage. Beachhead starts to go over, only for Dusty to show up.

"Sorry to bother you, but we just got a fax from HQ for "your eyes only"."

* * *

In the agent's car, Lady-Jaye glances in the side mirror a bit before turning to the driver. "I was waiting for the part where you ask for my affiliation, madam." He says in a calm enough tone for having a sidearm poking into his side.

"MI6 wouldn't have sent anyone to the states without us being aware of it." She replies, keeping her face forward so the other three don't notice. "DIS...KGB?"

"Oh, I am thoroughly British, i assure you." He tells her, and switches accents. "Unless i be ordered otherwise, lassy."

Lady-Jaye almost turns her head as she recognizes it. "That was you back then; you're Beamish?!"

"Indeed i was. We are grateful for your aiding us in recovering Excalibur."

"Don't mention it. Just who is "we", exactly?"

"All i am authorized to say is that the department's name is an acronym."

* * *

While Flint and Cross-Country are leading the snakes away, the other two are following Burke, with only the latter aware that two other Joes have just passed the Idaho state line on the way back to base. "Well that was easy." The passenger says. "And you thought we were being followed." He added, only to get handed a piece of paper.

Only because something always goes bad each time we pair up.

"You-you better not be saying it's my fault." Duke tells Snake-Eyes. "I warned you about those Hyenas, and we got away from that holographic snake without a scratch, didn't we?"

There were two of those, weren't there?

"Fine, two, whatever...Don't pass notes when you're supposed to be watching the road!"

* * *

Back with the other two, they arrive at the motel. "I'm surprised you didn't try chatting up that girl, Dial-Tone." Lady-Jaye says as they leave the lobby.

He looks back and grins. "You remember those celebrities you were held with; one of 'em has a cousin in the rheology field. You wouldn't believe the stuff she's working on."

"You can start with the heck rheology is." She tells him as the reach the door.

"Rheology is the study of semi-solid matter. Rubber, plastic, things like thaaa-" He explains right as he walks in to a room with no floor.

Lady-Jaye shouts to him before the hair on the back of her neck stand up, and ducks to see the receptionist swing down from the roof, nearly planting a knee into her face. "Didn't really think it would be that easy, did you?" She says, and gets into a boxing stance.

"Yer gonna get way worse for letting me stay stuck on that wall, shit head." Zarana replies as the two trade blows until Lady-Jaye trips her up.

"How tight do you want the restraints this time?" She asks, only to hear a voice behind her.

"Hey up there, you better get your ass down here already or your pal's are going on a lead diet!"

Lady-Jaye looks back, giving Zarana time to toss some gravel at her and kick her in the ribs, sending her down the hole.

* * *

After the incident is over, Cross-Country is in the gym's TV room with Cover-Girl, Recondo, Tripwire, Alpine, and Low-Light. When the reporter gets to the big reveal, he's not pleased. "Say what? Ain't no way in hell Mr. shiny-slicky's gettin' away wit' that! Ah'mah goin' over there ta peel dat limey* ta bits!" He shouts aloud as the latter two hold him back.

* * *

Chapter nineteen.

*No offense to any of the British people.


	20. GHAGP

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to Miami Vice.

* * *

Seven weeks later, Serpentor has ordered an operation for an anti-aging cream he read about. "Have the Baroness dispatched at once, this i...You dare to interrupt me, Major?" He says when he notices the man raise his hand.

"Apologies, Great Serpentor, but none of us have seen her."

Twelve minutes earlier, Zarana is wandering around when she spots Buzzer and Torch next to an unconscious Tele-Viper, the younger one with headphones on. "Just what are you buttheads listening to in 'ere?" She asks them as she nudges the underling's forearm out of her way, but stops walking towards them when she hears someone else talking.

"Imagine if you will, that we got us a fancy new voice changing gizmo." Buzzer tells her.

"Yeah, we gone through 16 more samples in it than the one sleepin' beauty down there was yanking out 'fore you showed up." Torch adds.

Zarana glances at the two, and rolls her eyes. "Just put it away before you break it." She tells them, only hear the Baroness behind her.

"Vat are you three doing in here? That is a very expensive prototype you have there, put it back on the table right now!"

"I was just telling him that, meself."

"Vere you now?" She asks in an unconvinced tone as she fold her arms. "I suggest you find somevhere else to "hang out"."

Zarana makes a gesture at her, then turns to the device, and smirks as she seemingly places the device in a drawer, only to stuff it down her shirt. After a moment, she goes to a room down the hall and picks up a phone. "Baroness, Ssserpentor hasss an assignment for you."

"Yes, commander, vhat are my orders?" She asks "Cobra Commander".

"We have been informed that the Joesss may have found one of our warehouses in Aussstria. Go alone and verify that none of the contents are misssing." "He" tells her.

Back to the present.

"Search the terrordrome, she has to be here somewhere. Until then, this mission will go to you, Dreadnok Zarana. Take off at once, this i command."

* * *

A couple of people at ABN-TV are editing a commercial Buffums' department store when one of them notices something. "You want to roll that back about nine frames, Pete?" A brown-haired man asked.

"Why, did you see something?"

"I just might have." He says quietly once he notices two people walking by the store. One seemed to be an actress who was fast becoming a household name, but the man with her had the kind of blue suit he could spot blindfolded. "Pardon me for a second, guys; nature calls." He tells them, only to head outside for a phonebooth.

In a tech-lab of Joe HQ, Breaker is fixing a laser designator when Mutt tells him he has a call. "Hello...Sparks, that you? You think you saw what?"

"That's right, I'm positive Donna Dasher was with one of the Crimson twins over at Long Beach this afternoon."

"...That's not too far from where Flint and Beachhead are, I'll let one of them know when they check in. Thanks."

* * *

In the briefing room of Joe HQ, General Hawk begins speaking. "Joes...a little while ago, three Dreadnoks stole a formula for an anti-aging cream from a cosmetics company owner in California. After Dial-Tone went through her personal computer, he found two of her most recent clients. One is an NFL star named Brett Tinker-" He tells them, but is cut-off.

"Ain't he da same one Taputapu says replaced him?" Gung-Ho asks him.

"Whether Cobra was involved with his removal is unverified, but yes, they both have been on the same team." Hawk explained, and continued. "The other name was an actress named Donna Dasher. Fl-" He says, getting cut-off again.

"Actress; then that mean we're off to Hollywood?" Shipwreck asked next. "Yippee...When do i leave, General?!"/"Awk, quiet on the set, quiet on the set!"

"As you were, Shipwreck; Duke told me you and the other five from the Firebat incident are still banned from the premises." Hawk tells him, and the sailor slumps down.

"That's gratitude for ya...ratchin-fradgin bigshot." He says to himself as everyone laughs at him. "Aw, shaddup!"

Recondo stand up next. "It does make me wonder though, is the tip from Landsburg, or Goldplat?"

"The latter was unwilling to return our call, but former did agree to give us backstage passes after i called his office. The person who did contact us wishes to remain anonymous. Only Breaker, Flint, and Lady-Jaye know who it is." Duke tells him.

"Anyway, Flint has sent Dial-Tone n' I back tuh pick volunteers for dis assignment." Beachhead explains, instantly causing all but the previously mentioned six to stand up. "Saw dat coming a mile away." He says under his breath, and looks to the front row. "Dis is gonna be one'a dem low profile missions, so...Mainframe, Gung-Ho, and Sci-Fi; we head owt to San Fransisco bay in one half-hour by different routes. Understood?"

"Yo Joe; Tinseltown, here we come!"

* * *

Once the mission parameters have changed, Flint turns to Beachhead. "Before we do that, weren't you headed back to HQ?"

"Ah was, but ah had made a few stowps to check wit' a number of contacts."

"A number of contacts?" Flint asks, raising a brow before holding a hand out. "Hand 'em over, Beachhead."

"Sir, ah am insulted dat yuh'd even thenk ah'd be owf mid-mission foh autographs." He says while turning to the side.

"I don't recall using the word autographs." Flint tells him, and Beachhead sneers under his head-covering, quietly griping as he pulls a small bag out from under his tac-vest. Flint picks one card out. "Who's Don Johnson?"

"...He's a lead actor on dis cop show ah've been into since '85."

* * *

After exiting a clothing store in Beverly Hills, the Joes look around. "Any tips on fittin' in?" Gung-Ho asks Lady-Jaye. "Dis here's yeh turf n' all."

"Maybe go back inside for a white jacket so you can pass for a lighthouse!" One passerby in an '87 Nissan says aloud, and drives off.

"Come outta yer tin can and say dat again, ya little smartass!" Gung-Ho yells as he shakes a fist. "Kin yuh believe we risk our lives for dat?"

"That's real-life for you." Lady-Jaye says as she shrugs and looks up. "As for sunny California; i wanted to be here once, but when the Iran hostage crisis started making all the headlines...i knew there were more important things than a young lady's dream."

* * *

Once the mission was over, Flint looks over his team while Gung-Ho was off looking for some spare workers clothes for Lady-Jaye to put on. He wondered what he was supposed to say in his report, but more importantly, he wondered what she must have thought when seeing him all shriveled up. Both of them may have sworn to end up like that someday, but the feeling it gave almost made him want to head to the catwalk Mainframe was on and jump off.

* * *

A few hours later, Zarana is on a bed at a safehouse with a book labeled: Zandap's jernal, handz off or elss, and starts writing. "Dear diary, today was both lousy and radical. The first part for how that big-mouth baldy (note to self: don't work with him again) could have turned Mainframe into an old man. Fortunately, that leads to the second part. Now i can't tell if i should push Mainframe down and get it on with him...or drug him, pay Scrap-Iron to rebuild the youth-ray, and keep him little forever and ever."

* * *

Chapter twenty.


	21. MFT & RTF

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Note: This will be AU.

* * *

In the Netherlands, G.I. Joe is conducting a wargame against N.A.T.O. forces, where Dial-Tone gets a radio message from Rock n' Roll. "We got heavy fire blocking us on the bridge, and close enough they can spit on me; any help'd be real nice right now!"

"We see it, Rock n' Roll. It's on the way." Flint says as he watches it through a camera on a Tomahawk over the field. "Dial-Tone, divert mortar team 10 to the bridge on the left flank for supporting fire."

"You got it, Flint. Mike 10, proceed left to the bridge to reinforce foxtrot tango 4."

At a mortar position inside what was left of a windmill, Leatherneck is instructing a pair of Greenshirts when they get the message. "I hear ya, Dial-Tone...Stratton, Double-tap; we're packing up to cover a fireteam on the bridge. Yo Joe!" He tells them, getting an annoyed look from the latter as they abandon their position. At the new site, he looks back to notice one of them is missing. "Stratton, where the hell did that other kid go?" He asks, and is pointed to the stray as he makes his way behind one of the N.A.T.O. squads.

Before he gets close enough, however, he is spotted by one of them while reloading.

At the Joe's command tent, Beachhead points out the Greenshirt's mistakes. "Y'awl best be glad we're only usin' blanks owt here, soldieh, cuz dat's da kind'a stunt only gets everybody dead as a doorknob."

* * *

While Doc and Crash-Cart are treating Leatherneck, a Spanish navy ship is searching for any Morays that got past the British, when the captain is notified of debris found by their divers. "Is it from them, sailor?"

"Aye, sir, a Cobra B.A.T.; but it's too discolored to be part of what the Americans and the Dutch reported."

The captain orders it brought to the flightdeck. Once done examining it, he has the men dismantle it, and heads back to the bridge. "What's our position?"

"170 nautical miles north-west of the Azores, captain."

"Even more proof it didn't swim there; Radio-room, contact Madrid. I want proof that any Cobra ships or planes went down in this area."

A few days later, retired Admiral Ledger is out in his backyard mowing when a young woman waves at him. "Can't you see I'm kinda busy, Paige?"

"Sorry, grandpa, but you got a phonecall from Washington." She says.

"I'm here, i was just sprucing up outside, and...Do you mean it?...Yahoo!" He says as he drop the handset and rushes to his closet.

"Gra-Granpad, slow down or you'll break your hip again."

'No time for that, dear; the Sec-Nav says a Spanish destroyer found one of Cobra's robots from the same airship that sunk the Flagg."

* * *

After being placed in a decompression chamber just in time, Zarana turns toward Zartan. "That screwball frenchy said he was alone down there, didn't he?"

"Don't remind me...what about it?" He asks in return, and is told of something that happened during the "tremors".

"When that Joey with the green vest lit the match, i could have sworn i saw a second man wearing camo standing next to the one with the backpack."

The two men glance at each other before Zartan responds. "There were only two in G.I. Joe that had fullbody forest camo; but it couldn't have been either of them."

"What makes you say that, brother?" Zandar asks.

At the same time, the Norfolk base commander is with Shipwreck watching the work on the Flagg. "You certain you want to go aboard?" He asks the first one. "I may be just as navy as you are, but from what i read, even i wouldn't want to re-live trauma like that."

"Eh, no problem at all." Shipwreck says while looking at the Flagg's island, where Ripcord and a dozen other crewmen are looking back. "I ain't boarding alone."

* * *

Chapter twenty-one.


	22. GIJATGF

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Ninja Holiday will be skipped for lack of ideas. Slightly AU.

(...) indicates alien lines.

* * *

Once the Flagg's repairs are finished, G.I. Joe is notified of a Trubble Bubble shot down over one of the western-most Turkish islands. "While investigating how it got there, we found forward operating bases around the Suez canal. Based on it's flight range, we've estimated it came from the one on Crete's eastern coast." General Hawk informs them, adding that the recent activity in the region means Washington wants them to avoid sending the Flagg too far off Greece's coast. "Dusty, Recondo, and Snake-Eyes will land on the northern side with Slipstream giving aircover. In the event you are discovered; bravo team, consisting of Leatherneck, Lifeline, Torpedo*, and Lady-Jaye, will be sent in."

"But how are we supposed to get there in the first place?" Recondo asks him.

Not long after, Beachhead, and Dusty are in the office of a Greek shipping company. "I have given much thought to your Government's request, and my answer is, as you Americans put it, not a chance in hell!" Mr. Aertes tells them. "I dealt with you before. It got me mocked by business associates and hounded by investigators and the press for months."

"Naw, wait jes' a minute dere; if Cobra keeps it's hold on da Suez canal, dat'll be bad foh you too." Beachhead replies, but is ignored.

"Far from it; i will lose nothing i can't compensate for at any other body of water."

"I guess she was right; we will have to try this the hard way, Beachhead." Dusty tells him. Beachhead glances at him before agreeing.

"If that's a threat, i will have no choice but to have..." Mr. Aertes says while the latter heads to the door and motions for bravo team's extra member in the hallway. "Ατλας?" The magnate squeaks out to Beachhead after that someone walks in.

* * *

With Mr. Aertes' part of the plan carried out, Dusty and his two teammates hide their Devilfish's and make their way up the beach. "Bravo Hotel, this is Delta Tango one niner. Shoreline secure."

"Copeh d...Copy that, we see you." Beachhead tells him, covering his accent. "Now keep moving; our satellite showed the enemy camp to be 7 degrees east."

"Got'cha, Bravo Hotel."

* * *

Unbeknownst to them, or Cobra, another ship is approaching. (Captain, our hydrogen supply is lower than anticipated.) One of the crew says.

(Cancel departure vector and proceed to the nearest source.) The Captain ordered.

The ship hovers downward for the Mediterranean, where the Joes and Cobra are. (Sensors have one large-scale aquatic vessel, and several land-based structures belonging to this planet's younger sentient inhabitants in the vicinity. Each identified as potential hostiles; shall we adjust heading to avoid?)

(Negative. Their only weapons are chemically powered projectiles. Even if they could reach us, our ultra-nova shell polarizers are sufficient to ward off their attacks. Carry on.)

The ship continues on course, and another crewman speaks. (We're picking up carrier-wave signals from one of the human land sites.)

(Translate it. We can atleast get a recording of the moment their "cold war" changes it's intensity.)

The crewman does as requested, and after some garbled sounds, a voice is heard. (Dr. Mindbender, one of our hidden camera's spotted three _unable to translate_ heading for squad 18's position.)

(Understood, Baroness. Alert them of this; i will take three Night Ravens to sink their carrier.)

As the Joe trio are running for a new place to hide, Recondo turns to Dusty. "You just had to stop and take a leak, didn't you?!"/"You try holding it on for a nautical mile, why don't you?" The two say before Snake-Eyes taps the latter's shoulder frantically. "And just what is your problem?" Dusty asks right before finding out for himself. "Aw man, not this trick again. Flagg, check the enemy comm traffic and see how many Dreadnoks are in that..." He is saying when the unknown aircraft is hit by a Cobra laser blast.

(What just happened?) The captain asks outloud as a siren goes off.

(Our ventral hull was struck by a primitive model of photon cannon right under the engineering compartment. It also seems to have dislodged a hyperdrive coil.)

(Take us above the cloud layer, and send out a distress signal. I want the humans psy-monitored.) The captain says, and two crew-people enter the minds of the Flagg's C.O., and Dr. Mindbender. (I have identified the humans on the ship as military personnel from multiple branches of the North American continent's military. They were removing a terrorist organization connected to the older inhabitants from a canal by the African continent's north-east coast. They are not yet certain of what they've seen.)

(And i have entered the mind of their opponent; but he seems to have a desiccated bio-implant.) Another says, causing a third voice to speak.

(That is property of Cobra-la. I am aware of the damage you have received. Know that we will do nothing for or against you. Conduct your repairs and remove all trace of yourselves from our world.) Golobulus tells the captain.

(Understood; we have the situation under control.)

* * *

Meanwhile, Admiral Colby, General Hawk, and Beachhead are in the Flagg's radio-room. "Um...Delta Tango one niner calling Hen-house, the snakes fell back after that UFO lost something shiny looking. Acc-according to our map and the sat-images from the briefing, it might have landed near some local ruins. Should we bring it back?" A person identified from the Admiral's memory as Ronald "Dusty" Rudat says.

"We saw it too, Delta Tango, but permission denied; too much risk of radiation. We'll contact Duke, and have him bring Airtight over. Hold that position until further orders." Dial-Tone tells him.

"Copy that, Hen-house."

The other psy-monitor is listening to Dr. Mindbender, who gives a much different story while his Night Raven is being resupplied. "Despite vhat the Baroness may have told you, Destro; the object is merely shrapnel from an enemy missile. Ve have the situation under control." He says.

"You had better. Just keep the blockade up until your reinforcements arrive."

Back on the Flagg, the Joes are being called to the briefing room. "You suppose that it's real aliens this time?" Torpedo asks Cutter.

"Nah; I bet 10 bucks that it's just a repeat."

"If you don't pipe down, I'll send you to Mars to find out." Sgt. Slaughter says before Hawk begins.

"Men, as you may be aware by now; an unidentified aircraft entered into the zone of action at 1139 hours. 17 seconds later, it was fired upon by a Cobra mini-drome, and ascended out of the Flagg's radar range, but not before losing a piece of unknown size and/or function. Duke and Flint have been appraised of this, and the former is-" The General is telling them when a sailor enters.

"Sorry to interrupt, sir; but we just got word from the bridge that Cobra is on the move again."

"Damn it. Ok...tell Dusty to keep them occupied as long as possible. Beachhead, Slaughter; take a squad and retrieve or destroy the fragment before Cobra does! Dismissed."

* * *

On the alien ship, the crew watches the activity below. (Captain, the humans are getting too close to the coil. If their weapons strike it, they may activate the time/space whirlpool!)

(Attach a micro-quantum beacon onto one of them incase that happens.)

When that scenario does occur, Duke contacts H.Q. "Flint, this is Duke. Airtight and i were just informed that the object started a glowing field approximately 200 yards in circumference...and both Beachhead's squad and Dr. Mindbender's forces were in the middle of it."

"...Ok, Duke. How much is left?" Flint asks him, not needing to turn around to see the concerned looks from the other Joes.

"That's...a bit harder to tell. Slipstream says everything was still there, but neither group was moving when he made his pass. And it gets weirder."

"What? How so?"

"Well, it wasn't until he landed that Dial-Tone told him that Beachhead reported back claiming that the space coil sent us to Ancient Greece for nearly a week; when for them, it was only four minutes." Flint hears from a different voice.

"Your sense of humor could use some work, Lady-Jaye; but good to hear, anyway." Roadblock replies.

"And which of us has the thing, now, or did the Jarhead drop it over Krakatoa?" Wet-Suit asks her.

"Ya mean Vesuvius, stupid!"

"It's back in it's rightful owners hands...or whatever they built it with."

* * *

Chapter twenty-two.

*I imagine Wet-Suit was left out to do K.P. for the La Fonte incident.


	23. TMDTITW

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to any RL actors. Slightly AU.

* * *

Having just gotten over the mess in Greece, Sgt. Slaughter is polishing the Triple-T when he hears the phone ringing. "Yes, what is it, Dial-Tone?" He asks.

"Sgt., dis here's Beachhead." He heard instead.

"Where's Dial-Tone or those other two?"

"Dat first one's wut ah want to tawlk about, honestly." Beachhead said in an unusual tone. "Ah ain't sure how or why, but da D.O.D. just promoted him, Lifeline, and even Shipwreck awl da way up tuh Colonels!" He explained into the handset in his right, only to somehow hear The Sarge yell from his left.

"They did what?!"

* * *

Across the Atlantic, Breaker is listening to Hawk, Duke, and Flint talking shop with Dr. Mettier and other N.A.T.O. representatives when he gets a message from Washington. The radioman goes wide-eyed before bursting into the assembly room. "General Hawk...pardon me, sirs...General, we've got a big problem."

"Did that big yellow bastard find out about this meeting?" Duke asks him.

"Oh, it's not that, Duke...; but it might be almost as bad."

"Well what is it, son?" Hawk asks him.

"A fax just came in from Beachhead asking why Lifeline, Dial-Tone, and especially Shipwreck were all bumped up to Colonel before he was."

"A navy colonel?...Hawk, this has to be Cobra's doing." Flint tells him.

"Right; you stay and keep this meeting going while Duke and I head back to the states."

* * *

At the Joe-ette's quarters, Scarlett is dusting off a picture Gung-Ho took of himself next to Ben Turpin's walk of fame star during the California mission when Crash-Cart walks in. "How's it going?"

"Bite me." Bree tells her as she heads to the fridge for a beer.

"That well, huh." Scarlett replies as though not having heard anything.

"I was real amped when i heard about Lifeline's promotion at first, but now I'm not so sure." Bree says next. "If it was just him, it'd be no big deal, but those other two dunces keep contradicting his authority. Dial-Tone for example..."

* * *

Much later, as the base's door is forced open, Stalker, Wild Bill, Crash-Cart, Snow-Job, and some Greenshirts are pinned in the barracks outside. "Ah knew we'd have us a last round-up someday; jus' not under dese puh'ticulah circumstances." The pilot says while one of the latter goes down.

"If that's the case; which...which one of you'll agree to put one right between my eyes before those goons get a chance to..." Crash-cart says as she closes the Greenshirt's eyes for the last time.

"That may not be necessary. I spent a little time with a garter snake who works on those sub-tanks, and she let me in on a little secret about the specs." Stratton tells them. "They have a turret depression angle of one degree; it only seems more than that by shifting the ballast of the opposing side."

"And that helps us how?" Stalker asks him right before Snow-Job tells them about a C-160 with two parachutes coming out.

"Yee-haw, it's Hawk and Duke!"

"That's how." Stratton tells him as he jumps out the window, followed by Taputapu.

"You're not getting promoted past those three losers without me, rattle-ass!"/"Former rattle-ass!" The two tell each other as the start running. "Yo Joe!"

Stalker curses at the pair before grinning as they split up, giving him a chance to pick off the random Viper. Stratton gives the other man a boost to take over the gun. "Where do ya think yer going, ya sons of bitches!" Taputapu shouts as he mows down some of the Vipers that are retreating from the Joe's counterattack.

Once the skirmish is over, Sgt. Slaughter arrives to get an explanation. "-And that's how it happened. Mainframe and Tollbooth are digging up the bypass machine as we speak." Hawk tells him.

"I see...but what about those two greenshirts who rushed one of the sub-tanks?"

"Pvt's Stratton and taputapu?" Hawk asks back. "Well, they did pull a gutsy move last night, I'll admit; but that doesn't fix their attitude problems."

"Which means it's a good thing I'm here, isn't it." Sgt. Slaughter suggests to him.

"If you think you can change those two, be my...guest?" Duke is saying when they hear a commotion from his right.

"Cobra is to be insane if they return after General's beating, yes?" Greenshirt Ayvazyan says to a crowd as he picks up a half broken 2x4. "Next time Varujan sees snake-men, they are breaking like this!" He shouts while slamming it on his head.

"Heh...I'll take that guy, too." The Sarge tells them.

* * *

Chapter twenty-three.


	24. Nightmare Assault

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

Dr. Rich enters Hawk's office with a folder. "Here's all the case files from the last few days, General."

"Thank you; you not done kicking yourself for not figuring this out yet?" Hawk asks him while going through them.

Psychiatric reports of G.I. Joe operatives.

Case 1. Ace.

Ace came in to my office at 0936 hours about a bad dream involving a flight of a P-51. Having made a strafing run on a German armor brigade, the engine suddenly seized up, after which time the propeller blades began transforming into snakes and burst through his canopy.

I made the recommendation for leave time.

Patient called the next day stating said treatment proved ineffective.

Case 4. Airtight.

Reported a dream about the Cobra "funhouse" raid where he was forced to incapacitate fellow operative Dusty. Unlike the real outcome, the hallucinogenic cloud moves and effects him, causing him to see snakes emerge from Dusty's pockets which lunge at him.

Awaiting call from Walter Reed mental health department for records on battle fatigue episodes from previous decades.

Case 10. Cross-Country.

This patient reported that after opening the bag with the stolen items; General Hawk, his squad, and the three Cobra agents he (Cross-Country) just chased off each are standing there with angry expressions and begin raising their weapons at him.*

Case 26. Bazooka.

This patient's nightmare was situated in his family home. Bazooka and his wife, one Taeko Katzenbogen, were placing his step-son into a crib. As with some of the previous patients, he then states that the overhead mobile strings turn into snakes, immobilizing him before killing his family members.

The need for any relief grows with all the pounding on my door from every ungrateful pain in the...from every patient on the base so far.

"It's not that i overlooked it, sir. I simply attributed the snakes as being the visualized frustration over how long this conflict has been going on. Being overworked by all of them coming in at once didn't help, either." Dr. Rich tells Hawk as he leans back and looks up absentmindedly, only to hear the blades of the ceiling fan start hissing.

The Dr. wakes up with a yelp, finding himself safe at his desk at 0210 hours, and pokes at his phone before using it. "General...yes, i know what time it is, but whatever we're being affected by, i have it too, now."

* * *

Chapter twenty-four.

* Skipped the last episode of season 2 so it doesn't contradict the 1987 animated film.


	25. Second Hand Emotions

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

While Cobra's leaders are busy ruining the wedding of Lifeline's sister, one of it's R&D labs is performing it's duties. "How's the progress looking for the latest specimen?" Dr. Mindbender asks a subordinate over a screen. Said specimen had been created when Serpentor found out about his "older brother", and demanded that the process be recreated. It didn't result in the exact same creature, but they were seeing positive results.

"It's at 93% of it's full growth, Dr., and we were just about to clean it's cage again." The underling tells him. "How about you?"

"It couldn't be more according to plan. Four of the subjects took over over a civilian trolley car., and vere this closed to killing their own general, vhen-" Dr. Mindbender is saying before a second subordinate heads to the first and points to a screen causing the first to stand up. "Vhat is the matter?"

"Seal that area off right now!"/"On it."/"Dr., the secondary holding area's door is jammed." The two researhers say as the former transfers the visual of a green mass of flesh with needle like teeth.

"Release the pacification gas, and send a repair team." Dr. Mindbender instructed, only for the Bio-annihilator to reach for the nozzles and tear them down.

"Damn it, it's not working; and it's...it seems to be testing the cage's other door,! All security personnel, the specimen is attempting to breach it's containment!" The lab's director says as he sees steam start coming off a slightly bigger door. "Dr. Mindbender, send a transport to get us out of here."

At this point, however, Dr. Mindbender finds the situation useful for observation purposes. "I think not; there's a chance the Joes could track any such transport to thatlocation. But do not vorry, your noble sacrifice's vill demonstrate the bio-annihilator's potential to Serpentor." He tells the director as both watch the creature killing Vipers and researchers by the dozen.

"Wait, please...Mindbender!"

* * *

Chapter twenty-five.


	26. Joe's Night Out

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

Disclaimer: Skymaster23 has no connection to any songs from the band Europe, or from Allen Reynolds.

* * *

Once the Joes get back from the wedding, Duke informs Hawk about a call from MacGuffin labs. "Prof. Mullaney...who is he again?"

"He's the chemist that Lady-Jaye and Shipwreck made a rescue attempt for back when Sharp was in command."

"Oh, i remember that. He's not still working on making the ocean explode or anything, is he?" Hawk asks him and sighs in relief when Duke shakes his head.

"No sir, he only wants us to aid him with a new type of engine for some black-budget aircraft at Nevada." He explains.

Hawk decides to send Mainframe; since Dial-Tone made a request for time-off for himself, Leatherneck, and Wet-Suit. Breaker is also too busy putting the particle beam gun's control system back together.

* * *

At Vandenburg AFB, Slipstream and Lift-Ticket's rocket is being watched by Footloose, Cover-Girl (who's hair is past her ears), and Snake-Eyes. "Retracting gantry...T minus 10 seconds."

"Ya hear that? It's the fi~nal countdown!" The first of the trio says, which turns out to be a bad idea.

"6...Alert, lift-off aborted. Bogey's sighted at 4 0'clock; ETA 40 seconds."

"Spoke too soon, Footloose; let's go make those fang freaks ready for the times to get painful." Cover-Girl says as they climb into some F/A-18's.

The other two Joes exit the rocket and see some Night Ravens heading for the base. "I was wondering what was taking so long for them to notice." Slipstream said as the gantry started to return.

"'Ere's a blast-off for ya." Buzzer says as he makes a pass in an attempt to get them with the jet-wash, but is forced to break off by Snake-Eyes.

It turns out to be for naught, however, as an invisible Zartan digs his way under the fence, and attaches bombs to the service structure. "And with this, Serpentor's soiree can go uninterrupted...until he says so, that is."

* * *

Chapter twenty-six.


	27. NAGOAC

Operation: Flanks for nothing.

* * *

After defeating the entity that Dial-Tone unintentionally freed, Hawk and the other three leaders are deciding who be join in the upcoming "airshow" when Mainframe gets a call from a base in Minnesota. "G.I. Joe H.Q., here; if it hisses, we...You mean it...Give me a sec." He says, and calls the General.

Soon after, Bazooka is at the weapon's range when he gets a visit. "Hey, homme, got a message from yuh ma!"

"What about?" He asks as he is loading a rocket.

"Dey was telling us yer Boo, Taeko, jes' had her water broke." Gung-Ho tells him as he dismounts from an Armadillo, and steps aside as the dimmest of Joes rushes past him to drive off. "Boy, dat was a close one."

"Here." He says as he head back, and tosses his signature weapon at the marine, causing him to fall on his back.

On the airfield, Bazooka gets into the transport jet's cockpit, expecting either Wild Bill or Lift-Ticket to be in the pilots seat. "Attention, this is your super coolest mountaineer buddy speaking; if you look to your right, you will see the happiest Joe on Earth." He hears instead.

"Huh...Alpine!"

"The one n' only. Strap in, Bazook!"

Along the way, Alpine explained how Duke, Scarlett, and several other Joes convinced Hawk to take Bazooka off the roster for the mission involving the mystery plane. "All we know about it so far is that it doesn't appear to be that weird looking bomber Northrop is working on." He adds to pass the time.

The two eventually land and are taken by Huey to the closest hospital to Bazooka's home. They check in at the pad, and follow a nurse to a hall where an older woman is standing with a camcorder on a chair next to her. "David, finally; and you brought one of your friends. I'm afraid you missed the birth by 16 minutes." She tells them, the heightened restrictions Duke made concerning codenames having been lifted a long time ago.

"Nertz! Where's everyone else?"

"Your brother John is...there he is." She tells them as she points past them.

"Good evening, Dave. Did you just arrive?"

"Uh-huh. Is she still awake, ma?" He asks, and heads in after getting a nod.

"Bazooka. You...you're here." She tells him as he and Alpine walk in.

"I came as fast as i could, Taeko. Was it as painful as they show on TV?" He asks her while Alpine gives a mock salute.

"They don't even come close; but if i could make it through a man-made rock slide, then i knew i could make it through this." She tells him while running a hand through her hair. "You should go and see him, David. He may not look like you, but-"

"He's as beautiful as his mom?"

"May~be."

When she's fit enough for a wheelchair, the trio heads to the maternity ward to see the child. "You must be Sgt. Katzenbogen." One M.D. says to them. "I'm the man performed the delivery. I don't mean to offend, but i was more than a little worried when i heard your wife's was Asian."

"Say what?!"

"Ah, no-not like that. It's-it's just that i lost a son in the Tet offensive. I almost passed this on to someone else until i saw how disappointed she was that you weren't going to be able to see the birth in person." He tells them right before a receptionist shows up.

"Are you the guests who came here by helicopter?"

"That's us." Bazooka and Alpine reply, and are told that during the search for Lady-Jaye's test-pilot friend, Slipstream was forced to eject after a mutual shootdown with a Night Raven, and reportedly, he escaped a Cobra bio-weapon along with the enemy jet's pilot by the skin of their teeth.

* * *

Final chapter.

No offense to any reader of Asian descent.


End file.
